|Paying my respects through creativity&love for deaths of 2 NYPD officers|
This holiday season has had its ups and downs. With so many tragedies happening in the world and personal troubles, the Christmas season doesn’t feel so merry. Yet, this year has taught me to turn the bad into good to the best of my ability. I cannot control the world, but I can control me. It’s no secret that I haven’t been happy for some time, but I still feel 2014 was a good year. I learned a lot about myself, and embraced adulthood a little more. I cried when needed to, prayed, requested prayer from both friends and strangers, challenged self to be alone despite my struggle with loneliness, and let go of negative things and people. I made important decisions, and put me first above everything else. I put my feelings first, because I believe emotional/spiritual health is just as important as physical health. When one isn’t well, it affects other things. I made a promise to self to be more direct, honest, and loving to me. I also promised not to be afraid of the unknown, go with the flow, but don’t be taken advantage of or fooled by pretense. Instead, seek love and cherish it when it presents itself. Lastly, I am not concerned with other people’s opinions of me, my actions, or decisions. I learned that I have to live for Dara, because I only have this one time, this one chance at this journey called life.
School No More: Freedom!
I left grad school. This has was a surprise to the few people I shared this news with. I got to the last two weeks of the fourth semester and crashed. I couldn’t take it anymore, the papers, research, constant reading of texts, deadlines, and not feeling happy in the process. Sadly, I haven’t felt happy since the beginning of the second semester. I haven’t shared that with anyone afraid of judgment. I was passing all my classes with A’s, yet felt depressed. I felt all I was ever doing was school work. I’ve been in school since I graduated high school in 1999. I love to learn, and appreciate the experience. However, the process feels the same. I don’t like it anymore, at least the way I have been going about it. I know what I want to study and pursue. I impulsively pursued the Master’s in Human Services believing that is what I wanted to study. I was inspired by my volunteer work during Hurricane Sandy in 2012-13. I felt that was the field for me. I still like human services, but I really want to teach. I really want to be back into my career of adult education/ESL. I withdrew from school December 9th. Since then, I feel a sense of relief and joy. I feel I can now put my focus on my creativity and finding my way back to the classroom. Ironically I still passed my class without completing the final assignment. I don’t regret this decision. I won’t apologize for it.
I am building friendships with people still new in my life while trying to establish new ones. Every year I lose or move on from old friendships. There are many reasons for this, too many to get into here. I used to be bothered by it, but now I appreciate the experience. I believe everything happens for a reason. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life, sometimes the paths must go in different directions. I always like to move forward on good terms with people who I am no longer friends with or in communication with. If that happens, I smile. If not, I still smile knowing I have no animosity towards that individual (s). The current friendships I have I appreciate and hope will remain throughout New Year 2015. As for love, I am ready to explore that option in the New Year. I still love who I love and will keep that door open if it’s meant. However, I am ready to make myself available for any admirers. I think the process has already begun. I feel it’s a sign, a reminder from above that I am pretty and I do get noticed. It is a nice feeling for sure. Let’s see what happens as time progress. I am patient and in no rush to be in a committed relationship, but one can start the process right?
The goal for New Year 2015 is to fully explore, enhance, and embrace my creativity on all levels. There are so many projects I put aside, so many ideas I’ve written down that I’m ready to bring to the forefront. I want my book published, my art to be seen, and continue capturing my love for nature, for art through the lens. I want my creative bubble to shine!
I am continuing to work on me. I am truly a process and life is a journey. I hope to be here for many more years to come and walk on more paths. I consider myself an adventurer, one who likes to travel, see and experience new things, and capture the moment one picture, one step at a time. I look forward to another year, to an improved me.