Day by day

Author’s Note: This is based on the many walks I have to or before going to work.

Walking down the avenue

Not much to see or do

Reflecting on yesterday’s events

Look forward to today’s commence

Prayer is the start of my day

Keeps me grounded, on my way

Music travels through pink headphones

Its tune leads me to new milestones

Ideas flow through my head

New stories are yet to be said

 “You can’t walk” was once told

The sidewalk long, pavement cold

Its bumps pierce my feet

I continue to feel upbeat

The air is cool, sun is bright

My fire is ready to ignite

Ready to begin the journey

But first I buy a cup of coffee

The chalkboard, my playground

I love to write. I love to be creative. I love art. What a great way to showcase all of that than on a chalkboard. One of the best things about teaching is using visuals to explain something. In my case, visuals are used to explain grammar. I draw a lot so there are endless smiley faces, or pictures on the board. It really helps get the message across especially when practicing pronunciation. It's fun for them and me. I've learned early on in my teaching career that a positive attitude is necessary in order for students to learn. As I told my students two weeks ago, "If you're comfortable here [ESL class] then it makes learning English a little easier." For teachers, it allows us to share our creativity and interest in our students' learning. I've been teaching since 2005 and in every level of English class I taught, there's always a new challenge to overcome. I am not a grammar wiz and at times I forget the rules. However, I am not afraid of making mistakes, because that's how one learns. My students know that "Teacher" isn't afraid to have an "oops" moment, or use the dictionary to spell a word. I believe if students see that teachers are learners as well, they won't be afraid to try. I am always proud when students come up to me and say, "I will try my best." In everything we do, we must try our best. The chalkboard allows me to display my knowledge, art, as well as mistakes. It's my little playground, and I'm happy to be able to share that with my students.

Happy happy

I feel happy.

Happy 31st to me: I spent the weekend home resting and eating a Little Debbie cake. I even won $2.00 on a lotto scratch off! It rained on my birthday (4/22/12) but not on my spirit. I had a great week with friends and students. I enjoyed reflecting on the week's events. I was moved by all the lovely birthday wishes posted on  my Facebook page and Twitter. What a nice surprise! I didn't expect it. I appreciate all the love from my friends. I love them very much. It feels good to be 31. I feel more mature and settled with myself. I thank God for all His blessings. I look forward to many more birthdays to come.

Celebrating with my students: I had my good friends at my favorite bakery bake me an Angry Birds cake. They did a fantastic job. I couldn't stop smiling when he took it out of the refrigerator and inscribed my name on it. All I could say is "oom goy sigh" ("thank you" in Cantonese). My students were surprised when they saw the cake. Some laughed recognizing the big red Angry Bird on the cake. Angry Birds is my favorite video game. Before I could do anything, everyone pulled out their camera phones and said, "Teacher Teacher, hold the cake!" When I did, they yelled, "Cheese!" and all the snapping began. I felt like a movie star. Then I was asked to make a wish. At this point everyone was seated waiting for me to make my wish. I bowed my head for a moment and looked up at everyone. With a deep breath I said, "I'm so grateful right now. In January I had surgery on my hip. I'd wished to walk and go back to teaching by my birthday. And here I am doing both, so my wish already came true." I felt my voice crack and held back tears when they clapped saying "Yay Teacher!" The cake was "ho mei" ("yummy" in Cantonese) and we all had a nice time! I feel like the luckiest teacher to have such a great class. I'm still smiling.

I believe this new year of my life will be a good one. I look forward to what's next on my trail. So far, so good.

Class, pre-birthday surprises, and realization

This was a very good week for me with the start of my ESL class, getting to know my students, and the anticipation of my birthday.

Class is in session: Tuesday was our first lesson where students introduced themselves, started the textbook, and me introducing my colorful and bubbly personality. Already students said I dress "beautiful," and always match my jewelry with my clothes. I love jewelry. For homework, they had to write a letter telling me about themselves, and why they want to learn English. Their letters were moving in reading their stories, hopes, American dreams, and appreciation for being in my class. One student wrote, "The first time I met you I knew you were a good teacher. I like you." I'm very honored. I appreciate them, because they give me purpose and make me love my job as a teacher even more. When discussing role models in our lives, they said I was theirs because I'm nice and make them feel comfortable. I believe they are my role models.

Pre-birthday surprises: I received a birthday card from one of my students yesterday. Her message was lovely, and I thanked her for thinking of me. Today I met up with a dear friend (and former student) of mine. I was her first teacher here in the U.S. In showing me the school she now attends, the ESL program coordinator yelled, "Dara!" I couldn't believe it, this program coordinator is my friend and former co-worker/teacher. We taught together at another ESL program. My friend/former student yelled, "Wow small world right?!" I replied, "Indeed it is!" It was great seeing both of them simultaneously. Later, my friend/former student went to my favorite park and took pictures which we both love to do! I always enjoy talking with her, because she is genuine and always have a positive attitude. I love her very much, and honored to be her friend and former teacher. Lastly, another friend of mine picked me up from work tonight and took me out to dinner. I always enjoy her company and listening to her stories. I love her too.

Reflection and realization: There's a saying, "The devil is always busy." This is particularly true when one is feeling happy. After all misery loves company. There are a few people I come across who are miserable. Some are envious, jealous, or just plain immature. There was a time when I would entertain such foolishness, especially if it meant putting my feelings on the line. I wouldn't say or do anything about it. Thankfully, this is no longer the case. I've learned that some people aren't meant to be your friend. Some things aren't meant to be apart of, or held on to. Efforts will be dismissed or unappreciated, and often times ignored. I am not one to shy away from this point, everyone has feelings at the end of the day. When feelings are being tested or challenged, there's only one thing to do...walk away from it. Everyone deserves to be happy, and to be around people who care about them. That's what I realized this week with the help of friends and my students. I thank them for reminding me that I am special and appreciated.

In this 31st year of life, I'm embracing happiness and peace of mind. I'm doing things differently this time around.

Stepping stone: the return of Me

"I feel like myself again...I'm doing things differently this time around. I am a teacher for a reason, it's my passion. This is who I am."

I said this recently in a conversation I've had with both my mom and a good friend of mine. I am happy this is not only a quote but a reality. I am Me again.

6:30pm: "My name is Dara Fulton, Fulton like in Fulton Street. Next time you see this street name, think of me!" But if you don't wanna call me Dara, you can always call me 'Teacher.' There was some laughter and a few students saying "Teacher" when I said, " It's nice to meet all of you." I met my level 4 (high intermediate) ESL class tonight. This is an interesting group. Not only they're eager to learn and improve their English, but many don't live in the area of where our class is held. Some are traveling long distances just to attend class, my class. I'm moved by their determination, it's inspiring. I promise to make this an enjoyable class experience for them. In doing my part of the orientation, I discussed what I expect from the class and what they can expect from me. "There are two things I care most about in this class" I said as I wrote the word 'comfortable' and 'try your best' on the board.

As students looked surprised, with many of them smiling, I continued talking. "One of the things I've learned teaching ESL for almost 8 years now is the importance of feeling comfortable. If you're comfortable, it will make learning English a little easier. Always try your best. I don't care if you get 100% on every test or assignment I give you, as long as you try your best that's all that matters. Teacher is still happy." I noticed a lot of nods, smiles, even hums in agreement. Everyone seemed comfortable in my speech. Soon they will know how genuine I am.

After going over the textbook and general classroom rules, I began administering the BEST Plus test. I'm not a fan of this speaking/listening test for many reasons, but it does help me to see where students are regarding their pronunciation, listening, and speaking skills. Based on the test and observation, the students are definitely at an intermediate level, some higher than others. I look forward to beginning the first lesson tomorrow and helping them in their new language journey. They are a lovely group of men and women. What made my night was something one of my gentleman students said: "I feel comfortable talking to you. I understand your meaning and you're nice. I don't feel nervous. As you say 'try your best' right?" I still smile thinking of his statement and the facial expression he gave along with it. I appreciate his comment very much.

I feel returning back to teaching is not only a way to get back into the profession, but a stepping stone in my quest for personal fulfillment. I'm grateful God has allowed me to take this first step since overcoming surgery. I'm excited to see the two steps He will put behind me. Tonight was definitely a good sign of what's to come.

Stand back

Stand back if you dare

No one will give a care

Speak loud your feelings

Life goes on its dealings

Reach out to be embraced

Your name easily backspaced

Cry out inner emotions

Who really listens?

Be patient and nice

Is like the new vice

Desired to be adored

Instead you’re ignored

Heart carries love

Travels free like a dove

Pray and believe

God has something up His sleeve

Must wait for His feedback

And not let your heart crack

Back to the norm

Don’t want to be

Back to reality

Alone again

Self is my friend

Difference is beautiful yet rare

Does any one really care?

Forced to keep things to self

Like texts on a bookshelf

Are called stiff and cold

Unwilling to see your gold

Refusal to admire true essence

That lies beneath the presence

Of what uniqueness stand for

Many assume it’s a “bore”

Since it’s not part of the norm

Leaving some to brainstorm

Reasons many don’t follow

The trends and the shallow

Scratching heads, wondering

Constant “huhs” and asking

Why can’t you be more like…?

Stand in protest, strike

Against what norm says

And proudly say, “Who cares?”

Because you are you, I am me

Happiness within self is key

The Leaf

Author's note: We are all leaves at some point in our lives but we must remain strong.

Leaf hangs on tree

Not ready to be free

Wind blows hard

Leaf loses its guard

Falling to the ground

Nothing else is around

Leaf is now alone

Wish it had known

How to fly

Not falling from the sky

Now must find its own way

In order to stay

Clear from being stepped on

Kicked around or torn

Hoping Wind will embrace

Leaf from Life’s face

Making it strong for any thing

And not afraid of failing

In love with the unloved

Author's note: Dedicated to the "hopeless romantics" or in my words, the lovers of love.

I love you

You don’t love me

How can this be?

In my head I can see

We

Together and happy

Not trying to be sappy

Our qualities almost the same

My love doesn’t contain

Any falsehood or disdain

You are embedded in my heart

Have been from the very start

Thinking about you

Something I always do

Praying for your well-being

Quietly hoping you’re not seeing

Anyone

But hope you’re having fun

Just want to be that one

To make you happiest

Among all the rest

That claim to love only you

Which may not be true

Can make you a promise

That I am no actress

My love is real in all ways

 Hope you’ll see that someday