Transitional love (An introduction)

“Good late morning, sleepy head,” Makayla says to Eric while he is stretching his arms out. “Hey, how long have I been asleep Kayla?” Makayla smiles and reaches over to kiss him. “Oh I would say about a few hours. Did you rest well?” “Yeah, I didn’t expect to sleep so late, must’ve been tired.” Eric pulls Makayla closer to him as their legs intertwine with the bed spread. “You know I’m always happy to have you here with me Kayla. It’s been a tough few days. Work has been kicking my ass.” Makayla sighs, “Yeah I know,” while rubbing her fingers through his dark brown wavy hair. “I’m happy to be here when you have time to have me,” Makayla giggles as she kisses him. They begin to make out when Eric’s cell phone rings. With a deep sigh, Eric mumbles, “Damn, what do they want?” Makayla continues to kiss him. Eric pulls away saying, “I better get that Kayla, you know…” With disappointment, Makayla says, “Okay.” Eric gets out of bed and walks towards the dresser. Makayla sits up holding the pillow in her arms. Eric looks at the phone and answers. “Hello Joe, what do you want?” Makayla looks at Eric while his back is towards her. With occasional “hmms,” Eric rubs his hair back and walks out of the bedroom. After a few moments, Eric returns to the bedroom. Not looking at Makayla, he sits on the edge of the bed with his hands cupping his face. Makayla moves next to him rubbing his shoulder, “Are you okay?” Eric doesn’t say a word. 

“Eric, talk to me, what’s wrong?” “Everything,” he mumbles. Before she could ask another question, Eric stands up facing Makayla. “That was Joe, the station’s director. My show has been canceled.” With surprise, Makayla yells, “What? How could this happen?” She stands up facing Eric. He is silent. “This doesn’t make any sense, Eric. When did this happen? What did Joe say?” Eric says nothing.  Makayla looks out the bedroom and sees Eric’s phone left on the kitchen table. She goes and gets it, and returns to Eric who is now standing near the window. Makayla pulls his arm to face her. She hands him the phone and says, “Call Joe and fight this!” Eric takes the phone and throws it on the bed. “What’s the use Kayla? They’ve been out to get me for some time. There’s nothing to fight so just forget it.” “Eric, come on…” Makayla stops abruptly. Eric looks agitated and yells, “Forget it Kayla, just forget the damn thing! There will be other shows. After all, I am Eric Moore.” Makayla walks away from Eric and sits on the bed. She wipes away tears. Eric watches Makayla cry and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t cry Kayla, I’m going to be alright ok,” Eric says in a low tone of voice. He then picks up his phone and walks out the room. 

Eric Moore has been a reporter for WXAT channel 8 News for nine years. He left channel 8 News to become the host of his own show called, The Moore Hour which is on WXAT sister station, channel 2. He reports on the latest news headlines, conducts interviews, and gives commentary about community issues. The Moore Hour has been on-air for two years. Makayla is the owner of K-bags, an online company that sells women’s handbags and accessories. She has been in business for six years. She is also a contributing writer for a self-help magazine called, Love and Self-Boundaries. Makayla and Eric have been dating for nine months, and this is the first interracial relationship for Makayla. She is African-American, he is Irish. Eric’s free-time is limited. The only time he is able to see Makayla is on the weekends, which are usually busy. This weekend is an exception. Eric puts on a pot of coffee. Makayla joins him in the kitchen and wraps her arms around his waist. Eric turns around and kisses her. 

“I’m sorry for getting upset. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” Makayla smiles and stares into his green eyes, “It’s okay.” “I thought I’d make some coffee and order some brunch. What are you in the mood for?” Makayla presses her body against his and says in a low voice, “You.” Eric turns off the coffee pot. Late afternoon, Eric and Makayla take a walk in the park. They hold hands and enjoy watching people move about. “It’s been a while since we’ve done this Eric. This feels nice,” Makayla says. Eric smiles as they approach the park fountain. There were a few couples standing there, as well as children throwing pennies in the fountain. “Kayla, what are you doing?” Eric says watching Makayla dig in her purse. “Here’s one!” She says. It’s a penny. Eric says in a sarcastic voice, “I know you’re not going to throw away money into some fountain!” “Don’t you have any imagination?” Makayla says pulling Eric towards the fountain. “I believe in wishes don’t you?” as she tosses the penny in the fountain. Eric watches the penny sink into the shallow water. He looks back up to Makayla, “Yeah but a penny is not a wish.” “Oh ye of little faith Eric…part of my wish have already come true. I’m here with you aren’t I?” Eric leans to kiss her but Makayla pulls back. “Not until you ask me what I wished for.” 

“I don’t know, you said part of your wish came true, what’s the other part Kayla?” Eric chuckles. Makayla looks down at the many pennies, dimes and nickels at the bottom of the fountain. She looks up to Eric and says, “I’m spending the day with you. You’re always on the go. My wish is to have more days like this.” Eric smiled slightly but felt concerned. “Kayla…you know I love being with ya but we’ve talked about this. Maybe now that I don’t have a job I’ll have more time to spend with you.” “That’s not what I meant Eric and you know that” Makayla says defensively. She pulls away from him but, he continues to talk. “Kayla, come now, what’s the matter?” “I think I’m falling in love with you, that’s the matter.” They stand there in silence. It felt like hours have passed by before anyone said anything. Eric walks closer to Makayla. He touches her face, looking into her eyes, “I’ve already fallen in love with you Kayla, you have to know that.” Sarcastically, Makayla replies, “I didn’t know that” and smiles. “Well now you know. And I’ll tell you this,” Eric pauses. “My career has always been more important to me than anything. It is my life; it’s all I had until I met you Kayla. You’ve changed that.” Makayla smirks, “Is that a bad thing? I’m not trying to come between you and your career.” Eric chuckles “Don’t be silly Kayla. Not even you could accomplish that. Everything I do is a choice. I choose to be with you because I love you.” The sun begins to set as they hug each other. Makayla whispers to Eric, “But what about your job? What will you do now?” Eric whispers back, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I just want to love you.”

First step

I went outside today. It's the first time since January 12th when I had surgery. I felt excited and somewhat nervous, because I haven't walked on street pavement or climbed stairs in some time. Today wasn't planned, this decision was very spontaneous! I had to see the sun and feel the breeze. It was around 60 degrees today, there was no excuse for me not to experience such lovely and unusual weather in February. When I left my apartment and approached the stairs, that's when I felt nervous. I remembered something my mom would say to me as a child, "Always put your best foot forward. If you take one step, God will put two behind you." And so I did, I put my best foot forward. I'm off the crutches but walking with a cane. I took my time and made it outside.

I stood looking up to the sky and saw the bright sun. I smiled and took a picture. I breathed in the cool breeze and thanked God for allowing me to be outside. I leaned against the building post and listened to music. It was quiet outside, not many people around except for the construction workers down the block. I didn't care, I was enjoying the moment. I stayed there for a while and took a short walk to the store. I have to get used to walking on concrete ground again, my hip and leg are still weak. I definitely need the cane. Soon I won't need it, but for now I don't mind. I'm just happy to be walking again. The things we take for granted. Something as simple as walking is a blessing. There are many who can't walk, there are many of us who have to adapt to it again. Reality definitely hits home.

For me, I can only smile.

My door is now open

"My door is open, it's up to you to walk in," is a statement I've said to a lot of friends. Sadly, I was a hypocrite because when those individuals wanted to "walk in" so to speak I didn't allow it. This statement wasn't meant to be literal but symbolic. It was my way of telling people I cared about them, and I am here whenever they needed me. Although that part was true, I was there for a lot of people but I wouldn't allow anyone to be there for me. Isolating myself from people has had its impact on friendships, it's had an impact on me. I feel I wasted a lot of precious time by being all alone when I should have let people in my life. Maybe I would've felt the love a lot sooner. Maybe that love could have helped me deal with situations better. This is something I've realized over time. I've never liked being alone, I always desired being around people. I am a people's person. For the past few weeks, I've done something I haven't done in a long time. I opened the door. My friends came to my home to visit me. It was great seeing them, catching up on old times, and laughing. I love to laugh. There were hugs, food, laughter, surprises, serious discussion, tears (happy tears), new beginnings. I love them and they love me. One friend who I admire greatly said it best, "Thank you Dara for opening the door for me." That made me smile.


Opening up to people is not easy, it's a journey because you're not only being honest with others but with yourself. It's still a journey for me. I have trust issues, and not every person in my life knows everything about me. I prefer it that way. I like a little mystery; that would explain why I attract to mysterious types of people, especially men. Opposites truly attract! Love is a powerful emotion and if one allows it to enter their life, what a difference it can make. I'm finally allowing love back into my life and wouldn't want it any other way. It's the greatest feeling to be loved by people, especially by loved ones. However, there are many out there who may be afraid to let love in. Some may have been hurt and can't let love in right now. Then there's a selected few who despises love. I feel for people like that. Their heart has hardened. Luckily no one I know is like that, at least to my knowledge. My wish for all of us is to always have love in our lives. It can be romantic, friendship, marriage, relationship, what ever it is, how ever it is, love is universal. I'm lucky to have love in my life. It makes life more beautiful than it already is. 

My door is now open, won't you come in?

Happy Love Day

 
It's Valentine's Day, and I will be the first to admit that I don't have a Valentine. I'm okay with that. As a single woman, I've gotten used to being alone especially on this day. When I was a teenager, I would become depressed by watching all my friends receive heart-shaped balloons, roses, chocolate candy, or being arm and arm with their mates. I never had a boyfriend in high school. Once I became an adult, I attempted celebrating V-day with past boyfriends, which didn't really matter to them either way. Now that I'm single, this day doesn't make me feel sad or less loved. In fact, I feel good knowing that I have more love for myself and others than I ever had. Odd, on a day when we're taught or pressured to have a mate and buy gifts, I'm okay not having any of that. I guess I've matured over the years. Love is beautiful, it's universal and should be celebrated everyday. I'm not knocking Valentine's Day and its meaning. I'm simply suggesting that we shouldn't wait one day out the year to express love. I have love in my life and there are many people in it that I love. The only love I do not have is the romantic kind, and for that I'll wait.

To wait or not to wait, that is the question.

Waiting for love is a process. It's not the easiest thing to do and takes effort to do so. Some may say, why wait? There are many reasons people wait for love. I will share mine. I've learned that I rather wait for something good to come than snatch any thing that comes my way. I've pursued, I've asked guys out, I've chased, I've loved, I've done it all and still I'm alone. I'm not upset about this because it's was a lesson learned.  It's not worth my self-respect to throw myself at men. I rather the man approach me. I look forward to the day when that does happen.

I believe, more now than before, that loving self must come first in order to love others. Once that happens, the cycle of love begins; people will gravitate to that love.  Being single isn't always easy, but it's something some of us have to experience before getting involved. For me, it's a journey to understand me more, and be mindful of how to love and whom to love. My hope is the next time I'm involved, we will love each other, we will compliment each other.

Happy Love Day to all the lovers out there, the singles to the married, may we all continue to love ourselves and others.

The letter

The alarm goes off. It's loud. She attempts to hit the snooze button but instead knocks it down on the floor. It’s still ringing. She is groggy and aggravated by the high pitch ringing sound. Leaning over her bed, she picks up the alarm and turns it off. “Thank God!” she says aloud realizing its 6am Saturday morning. “Why is this stupid thing going off on a Saturday?” she mumbles while putting the alarm back on the night stand. She lays back into bed attempting to go back to sleep when her phone rings. Without looking, she answers in a raspy voice, “Hello?” “Hey girl! It’s me Beverley.” “Beverley…oh hey.” Beverley talks loud, as she usually does, “Why do you sound like you just had a bad dream?” With a bit of sarcasm she replies, “Well if you hadn’t noticed it’s after six in the morning.”

“Well girl I won’t keep you long but I have this letter with your name on it. Should I bring it over?” Rubbing her eyes wishing she could return to sleep, she says “Yeah stop by later.” Beverley has been her friend for years. They used to roommate together until she decided it was time to live on her own. Beverley took ownership of the apartment. All her mail has been forwarded to her new address. She is surprised a letter addressed to her was sent to Beverley’s residence. For some reason she didn’t ask who it was from, and Beverley didn’t offer any information. After getting off the phone, she decided to go back to sleep.

It’s 10am and she is preparing breakfast when the door bell rings. It’s Beverley. That’s another thing Beverley didn’t say in their phone conversation, the time she planned on coming over. She opens the door and Beverley quickly walks in as if someone was following her. “Hey girl, how are ya?” In bewilderment she says, “Beverley are you alright?” Kicking off her shoes and tossing her coat onto the couch, she quickly says, “I’m fine, just wanna give you this letter and see who it’s from…ooh what are you cookin?” She walks back to the kitchen. “Beacon, and I’m making French toast, want some?” Waving her hand Beverley says, “Oh no girl, you know I gotta watch my cholesterol!” Beverley pulls out the envelope and stands next to her. She turns off the pan and turns to Beverley.

“So who is it from?” With a chuckle Beverley says, “How am I supposed to know? There’s no return address,” her eyes widen, “maybe it’s from a secret admirer!” She laughs waving her hand, “Oh please!” “No for real, it’s been a while since you had a man!” Beverley laughs. She shies away waving her hand again, “Oh stop. I told you I’m choosing not to date right now.” “And why not? You’re pretty and smart, any guy would be lucky to be with ya.” Beverley puts her hands on her hips with the letter in her right hand. “You know what your problem is?” She takes out the bread and eggs from the refrigerator. Beverley tries to get eye contact and continues to speak. “You’re too damn stubborn! Okay so you had a few bad breakups, it’s not the end of the world. You need to get out there and mingle!” She continues to look away as Beverley walks to the living room and sits on the couch. She prepares the batter for the French toast when she stops and looks at Beverley. “Maybe you’re right. But that doesn’t explain what this letter is all about. So go on, open it and read it to me.” There’s an awkward silence as Beverley opens the envelope. “Okay girl, here goes.” She leaves the kitchen and sits next to Beverley.

Beverley reads the letter aloud. Hello, how are you? It’s been a while and I want you to know you’re on my mind. In fact I’ve been thinking of you often since seeing you on the train. Don’t worry, you didn’t see me and with embarrassment I’m glad you didn’t. It’s been such a long time that I wouldn’t know what to say if I approached you. You look good, you seem happy. I am happy for you. Although we haven’t spoken in some time, just know that I wish you much happiness. Maybe someday I’ll see you on the train again. At least that’s my wish. Take care. 

Beverley looks over to her and says, “Who is this?” She shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know.” Beverley smirks, “Creepy! Who writes a letter without stating their name or leave a return address?” and hands the letter to her. “Beats me, but this person says they saw me on the train. Sounds recent. I must know them if they knew where to send it.” Beverley looks at her watch. It’s now 10:45am. “Girl I gotta run, I have an appointment. Check your old address book and see who it could be. Maybe it’s an ex boyfriend or something.” She quietly says, “yeah, maybe” as she watches Beverley put on her shoes and coat.

We did it

10,019 views...I like the way that sounds, the way it looks as I type that number! I'm so proud of this Creative Corner! Thank you to ALL who've been reading and communicating with me here. I always appreciate your feedback and readership. 

So as I sit here baking under the sun (okay I'm by the window but the sun is shining bright), I'm reflecting on the week and how happy I feel. I've reconnected with friends, made amends, and looking forward to what's to come. Although I'm unable to move about as I wish, I'm happy knowing I can still pursue what I want via home. The support I've been receiving from friends, even those I reconnected with, have been wonderful. Sometimes one doesn't know how much they're loved until it's shown. I feel the love and appreciate it very much! My friends aren't limited to only those I know in person, but on Facebook and Twitter as well. I thank them for their support as well. 

Good news! I'm walking with one crutch! On good days, I can walk without any crutches but have to wear a leg brace. The at-home physical therapy is working, as well as having a positive attitude. The sun is my motivation, because every time I see its brightness, it makes me more determined to walk again. I want to go outside. I'm writing more for Examiner.com. I write articles mainly about ESL/adult literacy issues in New York City. Here's my profile and articles written: http://www.examiner.com/esl-in-new-york/dara-fulton 


I'm grateful for all that's happened, good and bad because my heart is finally at peace.

No music to be heard

There are many ways to go home. Today was no different. She contemplated how her journey will begin. She stands at the curb of the sidewalk. About to cross the street, a cabbie beeps his horn loud as he makes a sharp turn. She steps back where her foot lands into a small pothole. Its shallowness is how she felt towards the driver who didn’t have the right of way, and still beeped his horn.  She eventually crosses the street, and begins to walk down an avenue of both commercial and residential buildings. Some were stores and restaurants. The pavement was surprisingly clean, and few people were out on this cold Tuesday. Her hat is almost blown off her head, the wind is so strong. As she proceeds in her walk, she sees numerous bus stops and train stations.  “There’s just too many to choose from” she says to herself as a dog runs up to her leg. The dog is cute, looks like it could be a poodle mixed with some other breed. “I’m so sorry, Missy tends to run up on people” the dog’s owner said. She looked like she could be in her mid 30s and is dressed in workout gear. “It’s alright, I love dogs” as she pet Missy on her head. “I love dogs too; sometimes they seem to have a mind of their own" the dog owner says while tugging at Missy’s collar. “Come on girl” and they walked away. She smiles, and walks towards the subway station.

The train is not one she usually takes going home. In fact, she rarely takes this train. For some reason she wanted to explore a new route, even though it meant a longer commute home. The subway is an interesting place. There you can find people of all types, dressed in different ways; someone starting a conversation with a passerby or if you’re lucky be entertained with music! Unfortunately this subway station didn’t offer any of that. She was disappointed as the train entered the station. The people were ordinary; there wasn’t anyone to talk to, and no music. The train reached its stop. She gets off and climbs up a staircase, walking over to another part of the station. There she catches another train, this time going over a bridge. This kind of train ride she adores because she can look outside. This train offers more than the first. An outside view of the city, people dressed in business suits and mismatched outfits, some reading books, some listening to their iPod, while others bop their head to no music. There is no music played on the train, but the view is good enough. 

  

The train reaches its stop. She gets off and walks downstairs to take the bus. The bus ride is the shortest part of the trip. The bus was already there receiving passengers. As she gets on, the bus is crowded. There are many baby carriages, bags on the floor making the aisle smaller, children yelling, smell of Chinese food takeout, and people who don’t seem friendly. She made her way to the back of the bus and stood by the back door exit. There was no view except for the back of people’s hairstyles; there are no interesting outfits, no one to talk to, and no music. She ranged the bell as her stop came near. A man sucked his teeth when he saw her reach over his head. The bus stopped, she pushes through the doors and proceeded to walk down the block. She arrives home and hears music from a next door neighbor. She smiles as she enters her apartment.