Trying to Hold the Laptop Steady

Where are the words to create new thought?

The incomplete manuscript stares at me

Wondering what new ideas will be sought

Putting together the story of my life

Noise surrounds every inch of the room

A rush of anxiety travels through my fingertips

Concentration interrupted with every single boom

Holding the laptop steady as everything vibrates

With each sentence typed on the word document

Repetition begins to haunt my reality

Thinking about past events, a distracted moment

Deleting every sentence of useless babble

Crashing sounds, music, and lots of yelling

Time passes by as frustration elevates

Try to ignore it, determined to keep going

Still holding the laptop steady

Reflect and Be Silent

No longer want to be an agent

Of dismissal and rejections

I rather reflect and be silent

Reach out in love and care

Cold shoulders, cold stare

Don’t understand, left confused

I rather reflect and be silent

When told my friendship doesn't matter

I avoid the tears and anger

Wish I had said something

Instead I reflect and be silent

When efforts are pushed aside

Try to hold my feelings inside

Frustration sets in

I have to reflect and be silent

Express my feelings through words

While reflecting in silence

Wondering if the best outcome

Is remaining quiet by keeping distance

Blurred Distraction

Distracted by the sounds of booming house music

Try to memorize, singing every lyric

Sun shines in room creating prisms like disco lights

Daydream about dance and partying on Friday nights

Apple perfume fills the senses as it rests on the rugged table

Gaining ideas from things I can reuse and upcycle

Admire the once old bottles now flower vases all handmade

Freedom of expression, freehanded art that is unpaid

Blurred by the surrounding colors in my comfort bubble

Feeling satisfied and humble

Sunlight continues to bounce off the walls

Distorting my picture as the camera falls

February Thoughts on Crafting, Goals, and Love

Crafting

It's now February and a snowy one. New York City has been hit with snow storm after snow storm. It is winter after all. Luckily, I don't have to experience the slushy, slippery sidewalks and streets. However, I don't like the winter season. It's dark, gloomy, and cold. It always makes me feel melancholy. Spring can't come fast enough. I have to admit, this winter season hasn't gotten me down. I've been in good spirits despite the constant hip pain. Since crafting, I feel excited recycling and upcycling used items. I feel I see things differently more now than before. I'm sure I can be annoying taking out empty bottles and cans from my recycling can at home. I think my family understands what I'm doing even when I stop them from throwing things out. Don't get me wrong, I don't save or collect everything. I love cans, plastic bottles, beer bottles (even though I rarely drink beer or any alcoholic beverage), and cardboard. Cardboard is my favorite item to collect. I love paper too, especially maps and paper with lots of colors on it.

I recently made a handbag from magazine paper. I'm surprised how cool it came out. The handle is from a Victoria's Secret shopping bag. It got a lot of attention on social media and family. Maybe I have a hidden talent somewhere, never know. I'm told I should teach craft making, or sell what I make online. I appreciate the compliments, but I don't think I'm at that level yet. I craft for the love of it. If someone wants me to make them something, I'd do it for free. I love it that much. In making this bag, I had to fold a lot of paper. The day I made it I was in a lot of pain. I did a wrong exercise at physical therapy which caused me great pain and difficulty walking. However, I was determined to make this bag. Between Pandora radio listening to house music (my favorite type of music), and folding paper, it helped take my mind off the pain temporarily. The end result was worth it. I started a blog on Tumblr of my creations. It's called, Art by Sunbubbes at www.darasunbubbles.tumblr.com. I also started a Facebook group called Crafting R Us. There we create, share, and discuss crafting ideas. I'm surprised by the turnout but so happy people are getting into it.

Goals

When I'm not crafting, I focus on the goals I set for this year. So far I have accomplished some of those goals in January. I am purposely not mentioning what that is yet. I will when the time is right. It's big, and something I've always wanted to do. I'm half way there which is exciting. Another goal I can discuss is my writing. I am working on taking my writing to the next level. I'm still working on my book, and writing here on the Creative Corner and DaraSunSparkles blog on Wordpress. However, I want to do more freelance writing work. I still enjoy writing news articles, and would like to cover more stories for media outlets on and offline. I am researching that, as well as, trying to network with people in the freelance-journalism business. I've gotten critiqued by a journalist last Fall on one of my Examiner.com articles. He was straightforward, blunt, and helpful on the content I was presenting and grammar usage. I want more of that so I can perfect my writing skills. Also, I would like to get paid for my articles. I'm learning how to go about that. I read a lot on my down days. Down days are days when I'm not feeling well and cannot sit up to write or craft. I read everything I can about freelance writing, price setting, taxes, etc. I feel I'm on the right track.

February Thoughts

February is Black history month and is also the time we celebrate love on Valentine's Day. As a Black woman, I am particularly proud to be celebrating in a month where my ancestors are remembered for their contributions to society. If you're curious as to where my ancestors originate from, they are from Nigeria and the United States. I'm told that my grandmother on my mom's side was Native American and from the Seneca tribe. Maybe that's where I get my unique features from. I love it no less. Despite the hardship I've faced as a Black woman, it doesn't make me less proud of who I am. I don't care if my color bothers anyone. That's their ignorance and in many cases their stupidity. I will say that there is more to me than my skin color. I welcome anyone to get to know me; anyone willing to look beyond the color of my skin.

Love

Valentine's Day is a day I never really liked. Growing up, I always felt left out from the hearts and love notes. I only received that twice in high school from a special friend whom to this day I appreciate. We never dated, but he knew how to make a lady feel special. It was also nice to be told "I love you," instead of "I'm not interested in you." In my relationships, I had few moments where I smiled on that day, but it was never what I'd hoped it to be. I usually ended up disappointed. For years, I stopped caring and ignored the day all together. A few years ago, I grew to like it again. I didn't have a boyfriend, but I had a better attitude about it. I was teaching then so my focus was doing Valentine's Day crafts in class. This year, I am looking forward to it. I still don't have a boyfriend, but I have friends. I have a lot of love to share. What better way to share the love by making something for others? Recently, my mom and I made Valentine's Day cards for seniors as part of an initiative with DoSomething.org. I was so inspired that I decided to do that with friends. I shared on Facebook that we should do a Valentine's day card exchange. The goal is to hand make the cards and send to each other. Some people were interested so I have some cards to make. It's also a special day for me, because a few years ago I met a dear friend of mine. I guess I have a lot to smile about.

Love is beautiful whether it's in the form of friendship or a relationship. Someday I will have the relationship I desire, but friendship has always meant a lot to me. I rather have that than nothing at all. So here's to love today and everyday. Valentine's Day is just a day, but love should be celebrated always. I love always.

The Walk and My New Found Love for Crafting

On January 12, I took my first walk. It's been a month since surgery and despite my reluctance I decided to take a slow stroll up the block from my home. Once I got outside, I stood silently remembering the first steps I took after my first surgery in 2012. I did the same thing I did that year, I stood looking up at the sun and said thank you. It was a bit chilly for a Sunday afternoon. In 2012, it was March and the weather was much nicer. My mom accompanied me as we walked slowly to the corner. It was then I saw some new graffiti art. I had taken a picture of its original art on the side of a store. Apparently, its now different and more vibrant with colors. I will take pictures of it in due time. I love street art, particularly graffiti and murals. We walked to the store, a new discount store that had me smiling from ear to ear. Everything in it had things I needed, wanted, and brought memories of when I used to teach. It also had things I could use to craft things with such as rhinestones, seashells, and contact paper. This is the biggest one we've had in some time. I am happy it is here. In walking back home, I felt pain through my leg and foot. I wasn't surprised. I was just happy to be outside and under the sun. I missed it. I miss the waterfront. I will get there soon.

I began physical therapy on January 8. The place I go to is convenient since it's near my home. I still use an ambulette service to take me there. Soon I hope to return taking the bus. I don't miss the crowds on the infamous B38 bus! The physical therapists are very nice. They fully explained my condition and gave me an estimate as to when I should be back on my feet. They're predicting 3-4 months, however it will be a year (or more depending on my body) until I'm fully healed. Since this is the second surgery on the same hip and two different procedures were done, my recovery will be unique. The not so good news is this has affected my balance and walking tremendously. The physical therapist saw how my foot goes sideways when I walk and is concerned. I have noticed it in recent pictures of me standing up. I prepared for any changes to my walk before surgery. I am not alarmed but concerned as well. I will never be a model or walk the runway, so it is okay. The good news is I am making progress, but need to pace myself. As the therapist said, "After all, you just had surgery a month ago."

The Melancholy Effect

The one thing I still dislike about the recovery process is what I call the melancholy effect. It's when time seems to be passing you by, and you are still. It's the lonely feelings that creep up, as well as, missing to do the things you used to do. I am an independent person. It is hard for me to ask for help at times. I like to do things on my own. Being dependent is something I have yet to get used to. I may never get used to it. The lack of camaraderie can be difficult too, because you can't go out or do much. I'm not a homebody and enjoy being outside. I rarely invite anyone to my home. There are many reasons for that, but here's a few. I don't like where I live, I have trust issues, and don't like being indoors. There are few people I wouldn't mind visiting me, but my home isn't an open house. I like to keep some things private in my life, even though I don't have anything to hide, ironic!  Lastly, I become reminiscent during these down times. To avoid becoming depressed, I get creative. I also pray, read, and work towards my goals. In this month alone, I already accomplished 4 things. That's something to smile about.

My New Found Love for Crafting



My workstation



I have been crafting lately which helps me deal with the lonely moments. It also helps me think of more things to create. I love recycled art most, because not only you help save the planet, but reuse things for other purposes. Being creative makes me happy, and allows me to express myself more just differently. I have a long road ahead in my recovery, why not do something to make it less painful. I can list what I made but pictures speak louder than words. Here are a few examples. Enjoy!

Recycled cardboard box

Add an old light, some makeup mirrors and contact paper...

And a new jewelry box is born!

Must have some bling--an old brooch and some rhinestones makes the outside look divine!

A used cell phone box decorated with contact paper and stickers

Paper towel rolls decorated with recycled magazine paper, maps, and more

 

Put them together to create storage for pens, pencils, etc. 

Who says oatmeal has to be boring?

 

Re-create its container for storage--decorate using an old subway map

 

Happy New Year 2014 and Happy 3rd Birthday

New Year 2014

  

It’s day 7 of New Year 2014 and it is off to a good start! It’s been three weeks since surgery, and tomorrow I begin physical therapy. Despite our recent snowstorm and bitterly cold temps, I look forward to going out. As for recovery, I am still on crutches, but able to maneuver with them better than I did two weeks ago. Some days are better than other days. I was sick this past weekend and almost passed out. Luckily, I didn’t and realized my body needed more rest. There have been some housing issues, which caused a great deal of stress and aggravation. It hasn’t been easy, and I have not rested well. Despite this circumstance, I’m staying positive and believe things will get better soon. I am praying on it.

Otherwise, I am still making things with recycled items. I made what I’m calling a bubble bee vase out of an old plastic bottle. I painted another one that is storing the bottle tops I collected. I revised a box-bag by adding my own decorating touches to it. That now holds more art supplies such as contact paper, ribbons, and more. I enjoy making things it makes me happy. As I posted on Facebook, “When I craft (or do anything creatively), I forget about the world around me. It's like I'm in my own little bubble, and nothing else matters except for the newness being created by my hands. I smile.” I love paint, glue, and glitter the most. The things you can make with them are endless!

Happy Birthday Creative Corner (December 2010-December 2013)

It is my honor to still be writing on this blog, and sharing my thoughts with the world after its start in 2010. This has been a good three years, and I appreciate everyone who has read, shared, liked, disliked, commented, Tweeted, Googled, Facebooked, you name it, I appreciate you all. I humbly thank you for embracing this blog, and making it apart of your reading pleasure.

Here’s to continuing this journey through reflection, discovery, and creativeness.  

One final note, I am still working on my book. The goal is to complete it by the end of this year, maybe sooner. I will keep you updated.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Surgery Day and the Aftermath

Looks like I am still here, and for that I am grateful.

 

Thursday, December 12, 2013: Surgery Day 

  

“The sun is shining bright this morning,” I tell mom as the cab driver enters the FDR drive. I took a picture of the sun between the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges. I then posted on Facebook with a good morning message. The responses were fast and very encouraging. Well wishes for a successful surgery, and speedy recovery from friends. I fought back tears. Oddly, I felt calm with occasional nervousness. The sun was my guide. I knew I was in good hands.

“You’re in the wrong building; you need to go to East 63^rd between 2^nd and 3^rd Avenue” the woman at the front desk of ambulatory surgery said to mom and I. “Really? This is where I had my surgery last time,” I replied. The woman checked my appointment, which was at 10:30. It was now 9:20am. She said my doctor was performing the surgery at East 63^rd Street as opposed to Lenox Hill Hospital at 77^th Street. We proceeded to the 6 train. In walking fast, I tried to keep the crutches from slipping from my hands. The train was crowded but thankfully, the next stop, 68^th Street-Hunter College was ours. As we got off, I felt like we were in an episode of America’s Top Model, trying to find the address. We walked in the brisk cold, bypassing oncoming crowds. As we got to the address on East 63^rd Street, it was a dentist office. “I think we’re at the wrong place,” mom said. I called my doctor’s office when I was told we had to be on East 64^th Street. Thankfully, that was a block away.

“Welcome Ms. Fulton, we’ve been waiting for you,” the woman at the front desk said. “Good morning, we were told to go to Lenox Hill only to be told to come here. But the important thing is we’re here,” I said. The woman was very nice. We went to a room where I needed to be registered; that is where you get that cool ID bracelet for surgery. As a nice man verified my information, my doctor walks in. I signed some forms and off I went.

“You need to take THAT off now!” a nurse yelled at me while putting my things in my assigned locker. The “that” she was referring to was my crucifix I wear around my neck. The way she said it made me emotional.  She gestured in a way as if seeing it bothered her. I said okay and took it off putting it in my jacket pocket. The crabby nurse who I overheard say to someone she was “tired,” took my blood pressure. “It’s too high! This is no good!” I wanted to say, “No shit lady!” but I composed myself and looked away. I had my gown on already and was waiting to be called upstairs. When Ms. Crabby left, I read a few prayers from a prayer book and asked God to keep me calm. I put it in my bag in the locker. I tried to do so without Crabby seeing me. As I sat back down, another nurse approached me with mom. When they asked me how I was, I cried. The nurse put her hands on my shoulders and said, “Its okay honey.” I wiped the tears saying, “I can’t, I can’t…my nerves.” I then realized Ms. Crabby was there and she rubbed my back saying, “It’s gonna be alright.” I didn’t want her to touch me, but instead go away. Mom hugged me. The nice nurse comforted me as she escorted mom and I upstairs via elevator. As the doors opened, the nurse said, “This is where everyone wears pajamas, so you’ll feel right at home.” Everyone was in blue scrubs. I smiled. Once seated, nurse said she wanted to take my pressure again. “Think 120 over 80.” I did and my pressure was lower than that. Mom and the nurse were surprised. “Good job! Now you’re all set,” the nurse said happily. Once the IV was in my arm and I met the handsome anesthesiologist (his smile is infectious), it was time to go in for surgery.

“Let me fix that for you,” another nurse said fixing my gown. “We don’t want you exposed,” she said. As the nice nurse and mom headed to the elevator, I looked back at them saying, “Oh we can’t have that, I can’t be scaring people!” We all laughed as I went through the double doors.  The operating room looked like a spaceship. Lights everywhere and gadgets, and a narrow table that is intimidating to look at. I got on as a woman and man assisted me. We introduced ourselves. All I remember is mentioning how the room looked like a spaceship, and smelling the man’s cologne. “Oh he smells good,” I said to myself when I fell asleep. 

“Ms. Fulton, how are you feeling?” a nurse asked me. Everything was a blur, and I couldn't see her clearly. I said in a low voice, “Hi, I’m okay. Where is my mom?” She said they were sending her up to see me. She then asked about my level of pain. It was around a 6, at which the nurse gave me more medicine. “How are we doing professor?” Mom asks holding my hand. I didn’t realize I fell back to sleep. “Hi Mommy, I’m really happy you’re here.” Several nurses attended to me giving me water, apple juice, and a small apple cinnamon muffin. It was so hard to eat, I felt so nauseous. Eventually, another nurse assisted mom in dressing me, and wanted to show me how to walk using the crutches. After using the restroom, the nurse showed me how to walk with the crutches. That was challenging since I kept falling asleep every few seconds. 

“Wake up Dara, I need you to see where you’re walking,” the nurse said sternly. I felt frustrated, because I couldn’t help it. Whatever drug I was on to decrease the pain, it caused wooziness, sleepiness, and drowsiness. I don’t like those feelings. Once finished, I was given a “hip” wheelchair, a wheelchair specifically for hip surgeries. I thanked the nurse and mom for their help, and patience. A car service was called. It was time to go home. My brother helped me upstairs to our home. Luckily, it wasn’t as difficult as I thought. It just hurt.  I posted a picture mom took of me in the hospital, and posted on Facebook and Twitter. I wanted my friends to know I was okay, and thank them for their continuous support and love. Their love and encouragement means more to me than they know.

I thank you all.

Sunday, December 22, 2013: the Aftermath

It has been a week since surgery. The first few days were challenging, since I didn’t have my medicine. There was a mix up with my doctor’s office and the pharmacy. I took aspirin. I didn’t get my medicine until Monday. I kept my spirits up by collecting things around the house to recycle, and search crafting ideas for those recycled items. Talking with friends on Facebook and Twitter has been a big help. I appreciate the check-ins, messages, and “get well” wishes. I had made some handmade Christmas cards for friends before surgery. Their surprise made me smile. I received some nice cards as well. I like doing nice things for people. This year is different than last, because I am focusing on those who care about me, and ignoring the rest. I have moved on which is something to smile about. After Tuesday, I became ill and stressed out. My living conditions aren’t the best, which have taken a toll on my family. Dealing with incompetence and ignorance doesn’t make it easier. I haven’t rested well, which plagues my recovery process. I have my nostalgic moments, and feel sad I am not into the holidays this time around. This year hasn’t been a good year. I’m glad it’s ending. I pray for a happier new year 2014.

Today I am pushing through the pain and sadness by doing what comforts me most, writing. I missed it. Tomorrow is my post-surgery doctor’s appointment. I don’t want to go, but I will because I know it’s the right thing to do. All I want now is rest. I hope to get that this week without any more incidents, let us hope.