I won't stop

The reminisce and the now

I've been walking. In walking I'm reflecting on things. In reflection, I gain strength. In strength I feel better. This weekend I took a walk along Fulton Street  in Brooklyn. And yes "Fulton" is my last name but I take no ownership of the street. I always reminisce when I go on Fulton Street since most of my childhood (or teenage-hood) was spent hanging there. I remember my friends, the stores that used to be, the vendors and ice skating rink at Restoration Plaza. That's the first place my friend told me he'd marry me when I turned 18. We were in junior high school. At 18, I was off to college so that "marriage" never happened. Young love, sweet yet naive. There was an eeriness along Fulton Street. Cops were at every corner and people looked suspicious. It's no secret Fulton Street is known for its criminal activity, but this felt weird. I didn't hang around there long, but it felt good being outside.Yesterday, I met a good friend of mine in Chinatown. It felt great to see her and return to one of my favorite neighborhoods. She reminded me that I need to be where I'm "needed" and most importantly where I belong. She is one of the few people who really gets me, we are very much alike. I'm happy we are friends.

Life before social media: a thought

I spend a lot of time online, especially on social media. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on too much. Although I like it and enjoy talking with people, I feel a disconnect from human interaction. I miss the face to face meetups, phone calls, and in-person way to get to know others. I don't like to always be behind the computer screen, to me it's very impersonal. Before getting into Facebook and Twitter, I enjoyed meaningless gossip over the phone, taking walks in the park with friends, collecting rocks (yes I'm a collector, been so since age eight), laughing over foolishness, or having serious discussion over coffee. Geology has always been with me since childhood. I miss meeting fellow rockhounds or nature buffs discussing our beautiful Earth. I want all that back. Lastly, I've seen some things on social media that disturbs me. The actions of some people on the internet are uncharacteristic and immature. I feel jealousy, favoritism, ignorance, many vices that shouldn't be happening on a computer. I joined Facebook to connect with people. I joined Twitter to promote my writing. I'm not on social media to bad mouth, compete, favor, or disrespect anyone. I'm on here to enjoy the benefits it offers like networking, friendship, and making connections. Anything else, I'm not interested.

I won't stop: bye bye cane

I'm not a quitter. I've been told I'm too passionate and stubborn when it comes to something I want. This is true. I'm a determined person and don't stop until I accomplish my goals. Today I accomplished one of those goals. I left the cane at home. I wanted to see how I would feel without it. I felt fine. I went to the waterfront to reflect and relax. Although I can't run just yet, I can walk okay. I will continue with physical therapy to strengthen my leg but otherwise I feel good. Traditionally, I always stop at Starbucks and get a caramel macchiato before heading to the waterfront. That's my favorite drink and it always makes me happy. I love being by the water. Even though it was cold and cloudy, occasionally the sun peeked out. There were few people outside but I didn't mind. I had my macchiato and music.

Lately, I've had friends ask me, "Why so quiet? Is everything okay?" I know my quietness worries some of my friends, and I appreciate their concern. Here's my answer to this question. I'm okay, just being observant and focused on pursuing my goals. I'm also focusing on making myself happy. Without happiness, it leaves room for unnecessary sadness. I've been there.

I'm still learning. I'm still striving. I won't stop.

Reflecting

Reflecting, I do this quite often. Many who know me knows I like to reflect. It can be on a variety of things, some good, some bad. The bad I do not like. I believe reflection is important in sorting out the emotions. At times, they can have a mind of their own. The directions they take can be beneficial or hindering. It all depends on the person and situation. I reflect because it helps me understand things better. Reflecting is like second nature to me.

This week I had a chance to reunite with my students. We had dim sum and discussed life after ESL class. I was overjoyed to hear they're all doing so well. One is going to college this Fall, and another is having her first child. Their spoken English was good, some improved more than others. Being amongst them felt like being with friends, they are my friends. Their concern over my health and news of surgery was comforting. They were happy by how well I was walking. "Do you really need the cane teacher?" one friend asked. I said yes and that I use it for balance. When we left, I told them that this won't be the last time we meet. I plan to hang with them soon. That same afternoon, I went to my neighborhood park and took some pictures. I usually don't go in there because of its bad reputation. I didn't feel worried, even though I was alone. The weather was so nice, and the sun was shining bright. I couldn't resist. Eventually, I saw a few people walking by, but neither they or I stayed long. I grew up near this park. There are some changes, but it still looks the same.

The remainder of the week I stayed home. I could've gone out but didn't. I have to remind myself that even though I can walk better doesn't mean I'm completely healed. I didn't write much, except for today. I spent most days reflecting, reading, and praying. I chatted some on Facebook and Twitter but didn't have much to say there. I guess there are those moments one feels quiet. This was my moment. I won't deny that I have some concerning things on my mind. I'm trying to keep busy even though I have no schedule. I need not to worry about the unknown, but instead embrace it. Reflection helps, at least it does for me.

Too many

There are too many books in your room

When do you read them all?

Big and small, so many covers

You must be smart I assume

There are too many pencils on the desk

Glittery, smiley types

Some with erasers, many unsharpened

How do you avoid such a mess?

There are so many notebooks around

Recycled, colorful paper

Pages covered in rhyme and thought

 Is this where your voice was found?

There are too many things to see

From heart stickers to crystal beads

Never learned how to be creative

Is it too late for me?

Author’s note: This is based on a visit from a friend who finds my room “interesting” and me “having too much stuff!”

Walking through memories

“Take a walk with me. Let’s go back to the old neighborhood.” A text message appears on her cell phone from Jonas. Jonas is her childhood friend. Traditionally, every year, they take time from their busy schedules and revisit the old neighborhood. They lived and attended the same schools in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. After high school, Jonas went away to college while she stayed in Brooklyn and attended a community college. After college, Jonas moved to Sunnyside, Queens, and she moved to the Lower East Side, Manhattan. “Yeah sure, what time you wanna meet?” She texts him back. “Let’s go early, say around 10am?” Jonas always likes to do things in the morning. She texts him back “Okay,” and gets ready for their meeting.

“Hey there!” Jonas says while hugging her. “Hi, how are you?” She says smiling. They meet in front of their former school’s school yard. There’s a park next to the school yard with a swing set. They stand at the fence dividing the park and school yard. She looks around and takes in a deep breath. “It still looks the same doesn’t it Jonas?” He looks around then back at her, “It sure does. I can’t believe how small this place looks!” “Small?” She says surprisingly. Jonas laughs, “Of course silly, we were only what…thirteen years old then?” She laughs, “I guess you’re right!” They walk around the school yard reminiscing about their childhood, teachers they’ve had, and even the snacks they used to love eating. From the school yard they walk through the neighborhood, walking in a nearby park and visit a bodega they used to buy candy from. Jonas bought a bottle of water, but she didn’t buy anything. They continue to walk until they approach a block that changed their mood.

“We don’t have to go down there,” she says with concern. Jonas looks at her and says, “Nah, we should, we have to.” They begin to walk and see the building they used to hang out at. Looking up at the red brick building she says, “Wow, 874 looks so different doesn’t it?” Jonas doesn’t say a word, but she keeps talking. “I remember when we would sneak out and hang with B outside here. He would always make us laugh, remember?” Jonas mumbles, “Yeah.” She notices Jonas facial expression. He looks sad. “Jonas, are you alright?” Jonas smirks, “Why wouldn’t I be?” “Well you look upset.” She continues to look at him, but he looks at the building’s stoop. He says in a low voice, “I never got over that night.” She puts her hand on his shoulder allowing him to speak. “That night…we were just chillin outside, wasn’t bothering nobody. Then Chris and his crew rolls up crashing our party. I never liked that guy. Remember him?” She nods yes as Jonas continues. “I don’t know how it all got started, but I remember B pushing Chris off him. Next minute I know a gun goes off. I see B slide down the railing here…” Jonas walks up to the railing staring at it. “I watched him die here. That bastard killed my best friend! No jail time can bring B back.” She puts her arm around him feeling sad for his pain. In a low voice he glances at her, “Thank God you didn’t come out that night. I couldn’t bear losing you too.” Jonas quickly turns around and hugs her.

They hug for a while. Jonas pulls away and looks at her. “You know I never got over that. You’re the only friend from back then I’ve got left. Everyone’s gone now.” She holds his hand saying, “I’m not going anywhere.” They leave and continue their walk in the neighborhood. She tells Jonas about her recent train ride and her desire to hear music played on the train. She also tells him about the letter she received from Beverley. He met Beverley at a house warming her and Beverley had when they were roommates. Jonas never cared for Beverley describing her as being “too loud,” and “always in people’s business.” Sarcastically Jonas asks, “So how long did Bev have this letter huh?” She laughs saying, “According to her for some time, but you know how Bev is.” Jonas sucks his teeth and replies, “I’m shocked she didn’t read it beforehand! She’s so damn nosey!” “Come on Jonas, she’s not that bad. She was my roommate for a few years. She was always good to me, even during the bad times.” Jonas rolls his eyes, “So what’s this letter all about?” She shrugs her shoulders, “I’ve been trying to figure that out.” “Do you know who it’s from? Are you sure it’s not Bev playing a trick on you?” Jonas smirks. She looks serious and responds, “No, it’s no trick.” 

They approach the block where her building once stood. The building she grew up in burned down three years ago. The fire spread to two neighboring buildings. The three buildings were torn down shortly after the fire. An open space remains full of debris, graffiti, and garbage. She is sad to see the open space. “All my memories are in this pile of debris Jonas. How is that possible? She says. Jonas looks over to her. Before he says a word, he points to the pile of bricks that lie in the middle of the space. “You see those bricks? That’s all they are, just old bricks left to rot.” Her face frowns, and is not sure where Jonas is going with his analogy. He continues. “You grew up here, you had your good times and bad. Just like this building. But now it’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.” She interjects, “Jonas, what the hell are you talking about?” Jonas smiles at her, “Just because this building burned to the ground, these bricks remain. They didn’t burn. It’s like your memories, they’ll never die but you have to move on from the past. If not, you will rot like these bricks are doing.” She feels emotional but doesn’t cry. Instead she takes a deep breath. She looks at the pile of bricks while saying to Jonas, “Sometimes I feel like my life are those bricks. All I have are memories. They are a part of me, but despite my efforts I can’t move on from them.” They stand there in silence. Jonas turns to her giving her a hug.

Dara walks and she is happy

"You're doing a lot better, glad to see it!" My doctor said to me as he took the stitches out from my leg. "Wow you healed so well. Let's get you set up for physical therapy and you'll be all set." I smiled and said, "Thank you, I feel a lot better." I was done in ten minutes. My mom accompanied me to the doctor's office. I tried to convince her that she didn't have to come with me. She wasn't trying to hear that. I'm glad she was there. "You're done already?" Mom said with surprise. "Yep, told you it wouldn't be a long visit" I replied with confidence. "So what did he say?" "He said I can walk again." At this point, his assistant gave me some paperwork to review. I thanked her for helping me through this process. She is very nice. My doctor is nice too.I thank him for healing me.

Afterwards, we headed back to Brooklyn and went to our favorite diner. I had a cup of coffee. I haven't had coffee in seven weeks! Oh how I missed it. I tweeted my friends letting them know the good news. I did the same on Facebook. Their support has been wonderful. I know they're happy for me. We then went to my favorite teachers' store where I was reminded why I became a teacher. I saw so many things I wanted, so many things I ended up buying. One of those things were four boxes of colorful chalk. I used chalk when I taught ESL classes at night. I also bought glitter. "Why are you buying glitter?" Mom asked. "You know me, I love glitter. Besides I'll probably use it to make something creative!" I said this while admiring its sparkle. Buying the chalk, however was very significant for me. I want to have it so I'll be prepared when I teach...again. I plan to be back in the classroom teaching ESL. My classroom door isn't closed yet.

There's this religious store I love going to, because of its sweet smell when walking inside. Plus, all the sales people are welcoming. I've shopped there before, it's where I gain spiritual inspiration. I bought two books about inspiration and understanding one's spirituality. I enjoy reading this subject matter. I'm proud to love God. After reading various material and enjoying the Christian music played, we left and went home. Heading out this morning felt good. There was no sun but I didn't care. Feeling the cool air on my face felt great. Taking the bus and train was okay, I didn't feel uncomfortable. Walking down the subway stairs is easier than walking up, but I wasn't in as much pain as I anticipated. In fact, I felt okay. I still walk with the cane for balance, but I'm confident I won't be using it much longer. I'm patient, after all I waited this long right?

I'm very grateful of this progress, this journey I've experienced. I'm happy to be walking again. I'm ready to go back to doing what I do best, teach. Stay tuned and thanks to all for your love and support.

March 1st: A new month, a new project

Happy March 1st! I would be happier if the sun was out. It's cool and rainy here in New York City, and doesn't feel like Spring. I'm not a fan of the rain. I don't like the grayness it brings. It tends to make me sad or very quiet. I must admit this is good reflecting weather, and I like listening to the raindrops. The quietness rain brings does help in my creative process. I guess rainy days aren't so bad, but I'll always prefer sun over rain any day! Since today is the beginning of a new month, I'd like to share two new projects I'm working on here at the Creative Corner. I'm writing two short stories simultaneously. Originally, I was only going to write one series of short stories, but suddenly Transitional love came along and took over! Allow me to introduce fiction, my way.

No music to be heard, The letter, and Beach water are three short stories that are connected with each other. They tell a story of a woman who is trying to find her place in the world. A letter she discovered will become an important aspect in her journey. What journey is that? Stay tuned.

Transitional love is a short story with no relation to the three I just mentioned. It's a love story between two people from different backgrounds and with different perspectives on love and life. The two main characters, Eric Moore and Makayla, will face adversity in their relationship as well as in their careers. Their transitions will either lead them closer together or farther apart. What will the future hold for these two? Keep reading to find out!

I've written short stories for some time, but was never confident to share them publicly until now. Writing fiction is still new to me, since I'm used to writing about real life events. However, loosely basing my characters on people I know or real life events really adds to a story. I believe it allows fantasy to become reality, which is always fun. Spring is definitely in the air for the characters in these stories. It's still rainy and gloomy where I'm at. For now, I'll let the rain influence my creativity to bring sun into my characters' lives.

Thanks for reading.

Transitional love (cont'd part 3)

“Hey Jena, it’s me. Can you stop by my house later this afternoon? I wanna talk to you about the cell phone case idea. Call me back, thanks.” Makayla leaves Jena a voicemail as she walks to Darlene’s Fabric Shop. Darlene’s Fabric Shop always has the best fabrics with unique patterns. Makayla needs new ideas for her Fall handbag collection. Sales have dropped, and emails from customers have been requesting “bags with more style.” Makayla hopes her Fall collection will not only give customers what they want, but will generate more revenue. “Hey you!” Darlene says to Makayla. “Hi Darlene, have any new patterns for me?” Darlene smiles and pulls out her fabric book. As she opens it, Makayla is amazed by the colorful display. “So my darling, here’s a paisley print that I think is fabulous! Look at how those swirls just mesh together, it’s like making love!” Makayla laughs, “Making love? Oh please!” Darlene truly loves her business, and enjoys sharing her enthusiasm with Makayla. Makayla has been buying from Darlene since starting her business. Makayla trusts Darlene’s suggestions; since it’s helped her handbags become a hit with customers. “Darlene, this is nice! But I’m looking for something with a silk feel, you know.” Darlene looks at Makayla doubtful. “Silk? I don’t know about that. Silk is a funny material and for handbags…hmm.” Makayla looks through the book and says, “Maybe you’re right, I’ll look for something else.” Darlene says confidently, “Aren’t I always? Take your time. I have to go to the back but if you need any assistance my new assistant Julio will be of help.” Julio is a nineteen year old aspiring fashion designer, originally from Brazil, who adores working for Darlene. He is very dedicated and helpful to customers. “Hi Miss, anything you need just call,” Julio says smiling at Makayla. Makayla looks up at Julio and smiles warmly, “I’ll make sure to do just that.” Makayla takes the pattern book with her, and walks down an aisle with huge rolls of fabric. As she looks up at a forest green material with some gold trim, her phone rings. It’s Eric.

“Hey babe, how’s things at the office?” Makayla says warmly. There a brief pause. “Kayla…” Eric sounds troubled. “Eric, what’s wrong? You don’t sound too good. Did you go to the office? Did you see Joe?” Makayla knew she was asking many questions before allowing Eric to answer any of them. When she senses something wrong, she tends to say everything in one breath. There’s a long pause and Eric says, “I quit Kayla. I couldn’t let them do this to me and get away with it. So I quit.” Before Makayla could answer, the pattern book slipped from her hands, and fell to the floor. Julio walked up asking if she was alright. Makayla nodded picking up the book. Julio walks away looking back at Makayla concerned. “Kayla, are you there?” Eric says. Makayla trying to hold the phone and pattern book walks to the end of the aisle. “Eric, what do you mean you quit? What did Joe say?” “It’s exactly what Joe said that made me quit. Kayla, I need to see you. Can you meet me at the pub in an hour?” Annoyed, Makayla replies, “Ok I’ll be there” and hangs up the phone. She walks back to the counter and hands the book to Julio. “Hey, could you tell Darlene I’ll be back tomorrow. I gotta go.” “Sure Miss, I’ll let her know” Julio says as Makayla quickly leaves the store. As she walks down the block, the phone rings. Makayla answers angrily, “Hello!” “Well hello to you too,” Jena responds sarcastically. “Sorry Jena thought you were someone else.” Before Jena could respond, Makayla kept talking. “Listen Jena, can we postpone our meeting till tomorrow? Something important just came up.” “Okay…is everything alright?” Jena says with concern. “We’ll talk. Call you later, bye” Makayla hangs up the phone. 

“Here you are sir, a double shot of Jameson” the waiter says putting the glass on the wooden table. Eric mumbles, “Thanks.” The waiter smirks at Eric, “Hard day I take it?” Eric looks at him irritated, “You don’t know the half of it.” The waiter walks away when Makayla walks in the pub. She sees Eric sitting in the corner taking a shot of whiskey. He slams the glass down and looks at his watch. Makayla stands there for a moment observing the man she’s looked up to for the past nine months, the man she is now disappointed in. Eric looked drunk, even though he wasn’t. Tears welled up in Makayla’s eyes when the waiter approached her. “Hi, can I get you something?” Makayla looks at the waiter disgusted and walks towards Eric. Eric fumbles with his watch and could smell Makayla’s perfume. He looks up at her saying “Kayla.” He stands up to kiss her on the cheek. Makayla moves away. Eric looks surprised, “What’s wrong with you?” Makayla looks at Eric angrily, “No, what’s wrong with you?” They both sit down. Eric signals the waiter over. “Hey, uh I’ll have another double shot and she’ll have...” Eric looks at Makayla. She looks at the waiter and says, “A martini for me.” The waiter nods and walks away. 

“So I guess you’re mad at me huh?” Eric smirks. “Just tell me what happened Eric” Makayla says impatiently. “Okay fine. Joe tells me he had to cancel my show, brings in some bimbo as his assistant, and offers me a job at channel 8 News. Says I’ll be on general assignment. I told him and her to kiss my ass.” The waiter brings the drinks. Makayla takes a huge sip of her martini and sets the glass down. Eric looks at Makayla and takes a shot of whiskey. The waiter notices the exchange and walks away. “Good martini huh?” Eric chuckles. “I’m not in the mood for jokes Eric.” Makayla takes another sip. “Kayla, what’s your problem? Last time I checked you still have a job” Eric says sarcastically. “Don’t turn this on me Eric. You know damn well why I’m upset!” Makayla yells. “Hey keep your voice down!” Eric says in a low voice. “I’m disappointed in you. Joe offers you your job back, and you turn it down? Why? Because of some assistant? Because of your show cancelled? So what?” Makayla notices Eric’s eyes become a darker shade of green as he leans forward in the chair. “So what huh? Thanks for letting me know how you really feel Kayla.” Eric pulls out his wallet. Makayla puts her hand on his wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just think you could’ve handled the situation better.” Eric pulls away and takes out his debit card, avoiding eye contact with Makayla. 

“Eric, listen to me. I understand losing the show was a low blow. But there’s no shame in going back to your old job at channel 8. It’ll get you back out there…” Makayla pauses as she watches Eric’s jaw clench. “Kayla, I didn’t bust my ass all these years just to get written off. Joe is a bastard and I have no respect for the guy. He has been plotting this for some time. Why do you think my show would change time slots? One minute it’s on at 7pm, then at 9pm, to not being aired daily. He’s been trying to get me out since I got there! Going back to channel 8 isn’t the issue Kayla. It’s the fact that I’m being treated like some has-been that needs a hand out! I won’t stand for it.” Makayla doesn’t say anything for a moment allowing Eric to calm down. She smiles at him and rubs his hand. Eric pulls his hand away. “Don’t be like that” Makayla says in a low voice. Eric grabs her hand and stares into her eyes. “Don’t be like what Kayla, hmm? The woman I love sits here mad at me for a decision I made instead of supporting me. Where’s your loyalty?”  “It’s looking right at you Eric and I do support you. But I still think accepting the job would’ve been a smart move.” Eric holds her hand for a moment, he looks disappointed. Makayla looks away from Eric and takes another sip of her drink. Eric lets go of her hand and puts the debit card back into his wallet. There’s silence between them. He stands up, takes out two $20 dollar bills and puts the wallet back in his pocket. Makayla looks up at Eric perplexed. He hovers over Makayla saying in a low voice, “I guess you don’t know me at all Kayla.” Eric tosses the money on the table. “Drinks on me.” “Where are you going? Eric!” Makayla yells as he walks out the pub.