With Each Step I Get Closer

I believe that the first step one takes forward is closer to getting to where they want to be. It’s not always an easy step, but once it’s done, it’s done. Once that happens, it’s a great feeling of accomplishment. Everything I am currently striving for is a mission to self that I can do what I thought I couldn’t or was told I can’t. Skeptics are everywhere, so are haters. Luckily, I haven’t had to deal with people like that (unless they’re being quiet about it). I don’t care, because this is my journey and everything I work hard towards is for Dara. The goal is to better me so I can better others. We are all on this journey together. I aspire to inspire, and offer hugs when needed.

Monday, May 12, 2014: “Congratulations”

I’ve been accepted to the John D. Fellowship for Public Service! I will be a fellow for the Department of Aging beginning this September. I am honored and feel privileged to be part of such an opportunity. I am so happy I can dance, and eventually I will (hip permitting)! Thanks to the selection panel for selecting me to not only represent one of their city agencies, but the chance to work in emergency management. I look forward to making a difference and helping all of us be prepared for disasters.

First week as a grad student (May 5-9, 2014)

It feels good to be back in school. This time around feels different. Originally, I thought it was because it happened unexpectedly. Another thought was that I am actually pursuing a Master’s degree. Interesting enough, it’s neither of those things. It’s my approach. I am a student, but I’m approaching this as a training experience. I am being trained as a human service professional. In this approach, I feel more relaxed. The work is challenging and it will take a great deal of hard work, but I know I can do it. I like what I’m learning so far and the conversations with fellow classmates (that’s part of our assignments, discussing what we read and sharing our opinions). I like my professor and classmates. I appreciate their insight. So far, I am off to a good start. I’m striving for a high GPA!

Making time for hangout time: getting reacquainted

I have a confession to make. I don’t make time to go out. When I work, I work hard and try to complete every task right then and there. However, this has caused me to burn out, become frustrated, and lonely. I am learning to balance my priorities and have good time management. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to turn off the laptop or cell phone because I’m always writing, researching, or reading something. I promised self and God that when I walk again I will go out more. This is a challenge for me, not going out alone but with people. Sounds odd doesn’t it? I tend to put school, work, and career first, people second. It has worked to some extent. I have three degrees, more training than I can count, and great teaching and learning experiences. That in itself is priceless. What I don’t have is a lot of experience hanging out, mingling with people. I am alone most of the time. I decided I need to include people in the mix. I want to laugh and laughing to self can bring unwanted attention. There are events I’d like to attend, and it would be nice to go with friends. I am learning to get over any insecurities I have, such as, whether or not people can relate to me, would they be interested in what I’m doing or saying, will I bore them etcetera. I’ve gone out recently and enjoyed the experience. One thing that helps me not feel “different,” is focusing on the environment I’m in and the treasures around me. 

Depending on the company, the environment we’re in or the conversation we’re having puts my mind at ease. Laughter is always welcomed. The one thing that has always bothered me is being reminded of how different I am whether it’s culturally, racially, weight-class, or whatever it is. I try to avoid people like that. I really dislike it, because I go out with people to have a good time, not be judged or feel segregated. When that happens, I quickly tune out and leave. I like being in natural environments whether alone or with people, because it’s vast. It is what it is, and I am who I am. I am truly in my comfort zone no matter what’s being said or done by others. I am reacquainting myself with friendships, and learning to be free-spirited with people again. Here’s to the adventure.

Reflection

The sun is always near. I am still a child of Mother Earth and still learning about this journey called life. I don’t have all the answers, nor do I understand every situation. I just try to maintain, pace self, and do everything out of love. It gets harder as I get older. I try not to let life’s happenings or problems worry me. Sometimes they do. When I don’t know what to do, I just look to the sky and let the sun guide me. Then I take another step forward.