September First

It’s September 1 on a Sunday evening. I’ve been home bound for two days unable to move around or stand up straight. It’s as if the body decided to go on strike at my expense. It’s one of the most agonizing experiences for me, since I don’t like being still for too long. Living with constant pain is hard. It’s as simple as that. Stubbornly, I still try to keep my mind occupied. I’ve been reading everything from articles on mental health, to stories about finding love. I went back to reading Fifty Shades of Grey with the goal to finish it by month’s end. I read the news, trends in publishing, writing, you name it I read it. When I’m not reading, I’m watching cooking shows. For someone who doesn’t cook, I’m surprised I care to watch these shows. The food looks delicious and who knows, I may try a recipe or two. My newest project besides writing my book is re-organizing my files. I have a lot of great material about social work. I’m excited to begin graduate school in January and want to be prepared. I haven’t talked much except to family, and go on social media to share an article I read.

As for creativity, I still create things using captions. I have a few ideas to explore when it comes to photography. I recently visited 5 Pointz, a warehouse filled with colorful graffiti art. I love art, especially graffiti so this was a joy to experience. Trying to capture every drawing was a challenge. My eyes made me dizzy from looking at all the details of words, pictures, sayings and more. I saw several people taking pictures. How can anyone go there and not want to capture such beauty? This is my opinion of course. This was my first time visiting 5 Pointz, which is in Long Island City, Queens. It’s different, which I like, and I was easily turned around trying to find the “nearby” waterfront. I ended up walking this long walkway along a highway. It felt surreal being one with traffic. While reaching the end of the walkway, my hip/leg began to cramp and I knew I had to turn back. I found a seating area with a water fountain. It was nice and I sat there for a while. I reflected and listened to music. I wrote some but let my thoughts roam instead.

I return to the doctor this month for a follow up. I had a hip injection and several tests. Tests results were good, hip injection didn’t help much.  Now, I’m back to square one. My hope is I will get clearer answers to solving this problem. I don’t want to live with pain for much longer.

Here is a poem I wrote about how I feel (8-30-13):

Anger

Sadness

Painful

Madness

Move today

Still tomorrow

Frustrated

Heart of sorrow

What ifs

Whys

Contemplating

Sighs

No answers

Many questions

Continuous

Doctor sessions

Hopelessness

Fears

Quiet

Tears