Hope and Motivation

“You need to be the voice for so many of us who are in need. This is your calling it is embedded in you. Follow your dream.”--Dad

My dad visited mom and I yesterday. I was quiet since I wasn’t feeling my best. I am always happy to see my dad, but felt bad I didn’t offer much conversation.  As mom and dad talked, I sat on the couch listening when the topic of motivation came up. I asked dad how one stays motivated when things aren’t going right. He simply said, “You take it one day at a time. You don’t focus on what’s bothering you, but stay occupied.” I brought up how I’ve been feeling regarding a possible second hip surgery, being out of work, graduate school, boredom, and me. I admit it is a lot to say in one breath, and even harder to analyze it all. For a moment, dad nodded his head and didn’t say anything. Mom said that I worry too much and need to let things take its course. Dad took a deep breath and said, “Well…” I knew he was going to saying something that will either make me feel confident or leave me wondering for answers.

“You need to go for your dream. I see it—you are meant to help people and be their voice. You need to be the voice for so many of us who are in need. You need to be their representative and be the change that is so desperately needed. It is embedded in you. Follow your dream. Don’t let this setback stop you from moving forward.”

I smiled. He went on to say that, he commends me for going for a second opinion about my hip and taking steps to getting better. However, he wonders if surgery is necessary. He doesn’t want me to have another one. 

I went to Brooklyn Hospital on Tuesday to see the orthopedic doctor for a second opinion. I had an X-ray done and an evaluation on my condition. The X-ray showed more than I anticipated. Sadly, it’s not just a labral tear in the hip (which was the cause of having surgery), but my bone is problematic. I have what is called Degenerative Arthritis of the Hip. It has gotten worse since my first MRI and there is no cure for it. The doctor told me that he doesn’t specialize in the surgery I had, hip arthroscopy, but did see that I had arthritis. The bone is not in place and as a result causes problems in walking, sitting, and standing. Since this is more pronounced than before the surgery, it is likely it will worsen over time. The concern is I may need hip replacement if the bone becomes worse, breaks, or more tearing occurs. Surgery will help, but it won’t completely stop the arthritis or the pain. I like the way he explained everything to me. I’m glad I read up on my condition. I was able to understand the medical terminology the doctor said. I made an appointment with my main doctor to discuss my options, but I have a feeling he is going to push for surgery since the hip injection I had in August didn’t work and now my bone is causing problems.

What a mess!

“I just want peace, that’s all.”--Me

I have been meditating a lot, reading, and trying not to think about anything. I know what I want to do in life. I know my passion. I know what I’ll be up against, both career-wise and health-wise. I am stubborn and don’t give up easily.

I have to do what I need to do. Stay tuned.