A "hmm" moment

For the past few days, I've been saying "Hmm" with thoughts of where I am in life, what I'm currently doing, and where I'm heading. Although I feel confident I'm going in the right direction, the question of how to bring all this[teaching, writing and social work] together has popped up in my head. I don't mind wearing many hats or at least pursuing them. I have my goals set and thankfully I'm working towards them all. But I often wonder if any of it will lead me to where I want to be. With the economy being such a mess (sorry but there's no other way to put it) and being unemployed, I have to think about taking care of myself financially. Money is something I don't like to focus on, because I don't want to lose sight on my purpose in life which is to help others and make a difference. Of course I need to take care of me, but I don't need to be rich to do that. It's hard living in a city of such high expense.

Rent is high, finding a job is difficult, and just to be comfortable may require two jobs and a roommate to make ends meet. I don't mind working, actually I enjoy it, but would like to work a job or jobs I enjoy, pays well, and can provide a roof over my head. With the constant cutting of ESL programs throughout the city, it's hard to land a full time job as an ESL teacher. The same goes for the social work profession, writing, just about every profession is going through some form of downsize. Patience and faith is definitely tested. I've been asked recently, "What are you going to do now?" and I haven't come up with an answer yet. All I know is to put everything in God's hands, and believe that opportunity will present itself in its due time. Despite my concerns, I'm stubborn. I won't stop what I'm doing. Every effort I make now will eventually pay off later.

I enjoyed my volunteer work last Saturday. Hearing my client express the many difficult obstacles she's faced and overcame is admirable. I helped her in job search, she helped me remember the importance of inner strength. She told me I'm a good listener. That made me proud. I know how important it is to be heard. I'm happy I gave that to her. Sunday I spent the day at my friend's house talking, and giggled over her cooking outfit. She cooked dinner for us and her husband. She looked adorable and the food was good too. Tuesday I went to an interview to apply for a volunteer grant writer position which I got. This is a skill I need to learn since I worked in non-profit for years, and I find it interesting.

So far so good. I will continue to try my best and keep going.