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Saturday, December 15, 2012

You are not forgotten

My heart and prayers go out to the victims of the Newtown, CT elementary school shooting and to the victims of hurricane Sandy. You are not forgotten.

I took a walk today. I needed to clear my head and somehow regain some happiness for this holiday season. This is hard to do when just yesterday children died by the hands of a “mentally disturbed” individual. An individual who for whatever reason killed his parents, and shot up a school filled with adults and young children. Innocent lives were lost. I quoted “mentally disturbed,” because that’s what the media is describing him to be. We will never know what possessed this person to do what he did. My heart breaks knowing these babies didn’t have a chance at life. He took that away from them. I can’t help but to feel anger towards him for the violent act he committed. The town of Newtown, CT and the families of these young victims are in my prayers. During my walk, I thought about the victims of hurricane Sandy. It’s been weeks since Sandy hit. The subject has died down a bit, but to me it’s still very real. So many people are still trying to recover from this storm. So many are still without a home, lost all their possessions, lost a sense of self trying to understand why or how this could have happened. My prayers are with them as well.

I haven’t been feeling happy lately. There’s been a lot going on. I try not to let certain things get to me, but prejudice hurts and will always hurt. I will always be an advocate to fight against any form of prejudice, racism or the like. It’s just wrong. Sometimes I feel my dream is fading away. The further I reach for it, the longer the distance. I have a vision as to where I want to be, and what I want to be doing. The vision hasn’t left me; getting there has been a challenge. I am an ESL teacher but haven’t taught regularly since losing my job. I miss the consistency and joy I’d have knowing I have a class to teach. It was that joy that put a smile on my face each day I woke up. No matter what was happening in my life during those times, I felt happy knowing there were a group of people looking forward to see me. I miss that sense of importance. Being a writer and calling myself one has been a journey in itself. Being a writer is something I’ve been doing all my life. I wrote a lot as a child and enjoyed it ever since. However, to say I’m a “writer” took some getting used to. I always thought that to say you’re a writer meant to be published. I realized that is not necessarily true. To me, a writer is one who can express his or herself through written words with the ability to make it comprehensible, and effective enough to grab the reader’s attention. I feel I do that through my words, that makes me a writer. By the way, this month makes two years on this Creative Corner. I am humbled and grateful to all of you for your readership and support. I created a thank you message video:

As for my quest to become a social worker, the journey continues. I am still a grad student at USC but will begin my classes at a later date. I didn’t feel ready to begin my study mainly because of workload, finances, and fear of failure. When I contacted the school to inform them of my decision, I was graciously reminded of their reason for accepting me into their MSW program. I was offered the chance to change my start date. Lastly, I was encouraged to remain a student at USC, because I’ve worked hard to become one. When hurricane Sandy hit and I had the opportunity to volunteer in relief efforts, I grew a deeper appreciation for the field of social work. I appreciated being a MSW student. It was a reminder that I am capable of becoming a social worker despite the challenges that lie ahead. I am more determined to make this dream a reality.

Today’s walk was reflective and comforting. I saw many Christmas trees in the downtown area of Brooklyn. The lights and colorful decorations always put a smile on my face. I went to my favorite diner, ate delicious food, and chatted with the staff. I had good conversation with my mom and talked about why Christmas is a beautiful holiday. I bought different kinds of body sprays and lotions from a store that can make any woman feel beautiful. I smiled. It was a nice day. I look forward to more nice days ahead. I know I will feel happier, all in due time.

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