Christmas 2011

The Christmas spirit was definitely felt, especially by me. The joke today was that my reindeer antlers were sprinkled with magic dust, because I acted silly and laughed a lot. A good friend reminded me of the importance of doing things differently. I couldn't agree more. One tradition that hasn't changed is me walking barefoot on the cold floor, and overjoyed by the warm smells of the house. My mom baked biscuits, and was preparing for tonight's dinner. Christmas carols played in the background, from jazzy Christmas songs to A Charlie Brown Christmas. Our little light display of artificial pine tree branches, garland, snowman nicknacks, brought the holiday spirit into the house.

I wore my favorite perfume, as I do every year, did my hair, and put on some makeup. I took pictures and for the first time in a long time, I admired my features. I love my eyes. That would explain why I love eye makeup so much. And as I snapped away, the bell rang and my brother was here. Mom and I welcomed him and it felt like a complete family again. While waiting for the food to be done, we decided to open gifts. Before we did, I hugged my brother telling him he's my gift. Mom said, "Awe" and I smiled. Opening gifts were different because we focused on taking pictures of our reactions more than what we received. I was the main photographer. It was fun. We later ate, prayed and thanked God for being here. What a nice way to end the day by receiving a phone call from my dad. I always love hearing from him. Another nice Christmas, another nice experience.

I sang Christmas carols, made jokes, took pictures, and laughed more than usual. Although mom and bro were concerned about my hip (I wouldn't sit still), I didn't feel the pain. I simply said, "I'm too happy to worry about this old hip!" I texted friends, tweeted and wished everyone happy holidays on Facebook. I even posted pictures of me being silly, not concerned what response I'd get. I was just being me.

Merry Christmas 2011.

Christmas Eve

It's 11:43 pm and it's Christmas Eve night. I am looking forward to tomorrow, not because of the gifts, or the Christmas programming on television, but the fact it's a holy time of year. Christmas, to me, is a beautiful time to celebrate God (for those who believe), spend time with family and friends, and a time to give back to those less fortunate. Although I believe everyday should be a time to give back, it's this time of year that's about the spirit of giving. I love this holiday because it's about love, love for self, love for one another. Christmas has always been celebrated in my family since I was a baby. My parents always went out their way to make Christmas special for me and my brother. Although we received many gifts, and carpeted the floor with ripped up wrapping paper, my parents taught us the importance of appreciation. Mom always said, "You get the things you need, and some of the things you want, but always appreciate what you receive." This has stayed with me ever since and I truly believe in it. As we got older, there's not as many gifts, and not as many family members left, but we continue to keep the spirit of Christmas alive. We just do things differently.

I love making people happy, and giving back makes me happy. I like gifts but I've learned that gifts don't always have to be materialistic things. Sometimes a simple hello, a phone call, or email can make a huge difference. Even visiting some one's home and spending quality time with them can mean a lot too. Gift giving, in my opinion, should be done creatively. One of the things I love about being a writer is offering the gift of expression. People who read this blog get to experience what I experience, share my thoughts, and feel my inspiration. What a nice journey it has been here at Dara's Creative Corner! As another year passes, I reflect more, preparing for a new year. Each year, God blesses me with more wisdom and I'm more aware of things I weren't in years' past. I become a stronger person, I appreciate myself more. I look forward to New Year 2012, because I feel there are more surprises and chances to do things differently.

I wish everyone a very happy holiday season. Thank you all for being with me along this creative journey, and I look forward to have you with me for more years to come.

Release

This is a quote from one of my Twitter friends, Empower UR Today which says, "Love with an open mind, feel with an open heart." I really like this quote, I feel the same way. However, what happens when your love has been compromised? Do you still love with an open mind? When the heart has been broken, do you feel with an open heart? Probably not. I speak for many of us who's been broken hearted, taken for granted, mistreated, unappreciated, and for some of us, abused. When the heart has been hurt, or worse broken, it causes one to feel afraid, bitter, or be more cautious who to love. There are many ways people react to heartbreak, and since I'm no expert I won't attempt to assume or conclude how others deal with this. I will only speak for myself.

I love simply because I can't help it. I've been this way since childhood. It never mattered how a person looked, what they did or how they presented themselves, I loved them for who they are. I still loved with an open mind and felt with an open heart. Despite how I've been hurt, I continue to love people because it's who I am. One of the hardest challenges for me is making sense why someone would hurt another. I don't understand why I was heartbroken. Why was I abused by someone I loved and trusted more than anything? Was I too naive or desperate to have someone love me? It's possible that I wore my heart on my sleeve, and allowed someone to manipulate me in the worst way, emotionally. Sadly, when someone abuses you emotionally, it can lead to physical, mental, and sexual abuse.Unfortunately, I experienced those too. It's not something I'm proud to discuss, in fact, this is the first time I'm writing about it. Some may read this and ask why I would write something so personal. My answer is simple. I need to release.

Release is very important when dealing with anger, hurt, disappointment, or anything you are unsure of. Holding things in for too long can cause more anguish and stress which doesn't solve anything. For years, I've been ashamed to talk about my previous relationships, particularly this one. I felt embarrassed, because how someone intelligent and loving as myself would put up with a man telling me, "You know I'm the only man who'll ever love you." I blamed myself for years and felt I should have known better. Thankfully, I had the foresight to leave him, and never looked back. I prayed a lot which helped me deal with the pain. Prayer was my release.

I continue to love with an open mind and feel with an open heart, I'm just careful who I let access it. Release is an on-going process. It's not a quick fix, but it's a step in the right direction. I'll always have an emotional scar of what my ex did to me, but I can move on because I learned to let go. I began to love myself enough to breathe, release, and be mindful not to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Holiday Spirit

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the bright lights, the ornaments on a green, white, or silver tree; I love the glitter on decorations. I love glitter in general. I enjoy walking barefoot on the cold floor, and smelling baked biscuits in the oven. I like listening to Christmas carols playing on the CD player, and admire how nicely decorated the apartment is. I enjoy receiving text messages of "Happy Holidays" from friends, and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas on Facebook and Twitter. Watching my mom make us coffee with our favorite coffee creamer, prepare to indulge on warm biscuits, and thanking God for allowing us to see another year, makes me feel grateful. Christmas has changed a lot for my family, some good, some bad, but we're happy to be in each others company. That's what counts. It's never been about receiving gifts to make Christmas special for me, giving them is more fun. I like to see the surprise on my mom, brother or dad's face when they receive my gifts. The same goes for friends too. One of the things I love doing (and been doing so since I was a child) is sticking all the bows on me. I love bows for their different colors and designs. Every year I take a picture of me with the bows on. Maybe I will do that again this year. This year is very different. Economy has been hard for us, my health hasn't been good, and this is more of a quiet time than festive. At times that makes me sad; most of the time I feel lonely. It's just mom and I now, and majority of my friends don't celebrate this holiday. Despite that, I promised myself to reflect on the good things that happened this year, and use that as inner strength. I may not have many bows to wear this year, maybe none, but I smile knowing what this holiday is all about. It's about love for the people you care about. That's what gives me the holiday spirit.

A little girl's wish

A little girl’s wish

Is that someday

She’ll meet a prince

He’ll sweep her off her feet

Making her feel complete

He’ll honor and console her

Be her rock, never let go

The prince will be handsome

Not by appearance alone

By heart, loyal from the start

He’ll love her unconditionally

She’ll love him forever

The little girl dreams

She is very clever

Knowing when she grows up
she’ll have a chance

To meet someone wonderful

For her, love is simple

Writer's Block

Author's note: There are times you just don't know what to say.

Thoughts of you

Circles around my head

Missing your presence

Do you miss me too?

Emotions build up

A lot I want to say

Frustrated because

You’re so far away

Sometimes I fear

Unable to think

Gather ideas or create

You are my Shakespeare

You come around

Impromptu moments

I shouldn’t look too hard

Eventually you are found

At moments like these

I wish you were here

My mind is now empty

Come back to me please

My life in 6 words: a mini memoir

The 6 word memoir, courtesy of Smith Magazine (http://www.smithmag.net/), allows writers to write their life story in 6 words. The memoirs range in topics such as, love, happiness, pain & hope, food, and so much more. I have been writing for Smith Magazine since February 2009. I've decided to combine my memoirs to create a mini life story. This is just the beginning!

They call me "Teacher": our journey.

Continue being colorful like chalk dust.

Always traveling along my creative path.

Sun smiling on my face, euphoric!

Love the plot of your existence.

I'm a survivor of most wrongdoings.

Love is confusion waiting to happen.

The miffed, the logic and the ain't got.

You are what I didn't know.

Enjoying every step of Life's uncertainties.

Love surrounding myself in your mystery.

Savoring the essence of brewed coffee.

My fingers are married to Twitter.

Hush-able moments of glee and reflection.

Come back to us we hope.

Loving you inspires me to love.

To be continued.