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Thursday, August 16, 2012

Dad and Darie

"Darie" is what my dad calls me.

I saw my dad today. He hasn't been feeling well and isn't 100% but has a good attitude about it. I'm inspired by his strength. It was nice having both my parents sit in the living room and chat about their day to day. I sat quietly listening. I became so lost in their discussion that I didn't hear my dad say, "So how are things with you?" Before I could answer my mom said, "Oh she's been keeping busy and on TV." My dad leaned forward from the chair and said in excitement, "Yeah I saw on TV--I said, 'that's my Darie'...same smile!" I laughed and told him I was picked as PIX 11 news Friend of the Day on Monday. I always like to see the excitement on my dad's face when he's seen me on television. This has always been his wish. From there we talked about my quest to finding work, writing, attending MTA hearings (he was surprised I made it to the boardroom), people in my life, and of course what I'm trying to pursue. Dad looked at me smiling, "You got it, so you will find something soon enough. Maybe where you're looking is not happening right now. Maybe you have to look elsewhere." I couldn't agree more. I told him that when he tells me things it always boosts my confidence. He makes me feel I can do anything I set my mind to, and is proud of me regardless of what I do. That means more to me than anything. I love him for that and more.

"Don't stop" is something my dad has been instilling in me since childhood. In my down moments I tend to feel discouraged. This has been a down time for me. I believe it takes self-motivation, and love for self to stand in front of doubt and push it aside. I also think it takes courage to cry, feel sad for the moment and start fresh the next day. It's not easy having your phone cut off and take your last to pay the bill. It's disheartening not able to buy food for the house because you paid the bills and don't have anything left. I'm a proud person and not one to ask anyone for money. I know what it's like to loan money and not get it back, so I don't like to borrow if I know I can't pay my debt. It's principle. I don't even like telling friends of my situation, because I don't want pity or phoniness. There's too much of that going around (through personal observation) and don't need any one judging me. Only God can do that. As I shared with my dad, I feel like I'm running a race and when I think I'm close to the finish line I'm no where near it. "Don't stop," he said adding "In life there are many bends along the journey but its how you maneuver around them that makes a difference." When he hears me discuss my pride, he shakes his head smiling. He knows I take after him. We like to take care of ourselves, we pride ourselves on success and being self-sufficient. When we're unable to do these things, it hits home. The difference between my dad and I is I'm expressive, he keeps to himself. My dad warns me of not allowing people to take my kindness for weakness (something I know all too well). And if there's something that needs to be said, say it, "You have that right." The power of voice; I learned that from him.

It was a good conversation and I feel better knowing I have his support. I won't stop. Someday I'll be on TV again, and when I am I will give my dad a shout out saying "Thank you for being a great dad."

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