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Saturday, July 7, 2012

Learning about Me

Wednesday, 7/4/12: "Happy 4th, happy to be friends"

I don't usually celebrate the 4th of July. I'm either home watching TV or reading a book. I got a text message from a friend, someone I haven't seen in a year, asking to hangout. I said okay. After all, it beats being home all day. The sun was out, it was hot but I didn't mind. When I saw my friend Evelyn, we hugged saying how long it's been since seeing each other. Then the smiles turned to looks of disappointment; we both realized we had a lot to talk about. As we stood on line to see a movie, I knew this day was going to be more than having a few laughs and eating popcorn (which we didn't have). By the way, Madea's Witness Protection is a funny movie.

We headed to a diner, then to the waterfront where we talked. There were many questions, some answers all balling down to one simple response, "I'm sorry." Evelyn reminded me that in any friendship or relationship there will be ups and downs. As she puts it, "It's part of life, no one's perfect." I learned something about myself that day. Many who know me knows that I am loving, kind hearted, and love being there for people, but don't "reach out" to those who are reaching out to me. At times, through my own admission, I isolate myself from people when I feel alone or going through something. I've been told by others, and now Evelyn that even though it's understandable it's unacceptable to those who want to be there for me. I admit that there was a time when I was very open and shared myself with others. Sadly, that stopped after getting hurt and being misunderstood, criticized, and put down. After that I shut down and went within myself. My attitude was, "If I'm going to be alone so be it." I know that's not the way to be, because it's not fair to those who give a damn about me, and go out of their way to show it. I'm happy Evelyn and I made amends, we're back to being friends stronger now than before. We both agree that it's good things happened the way they did, because we wouldn't be where we're at now. We didn't stay for the fireworks, but enjoyed being by the waterfront. For the first time, I reflected with someone. I reflected with my friend. I thank her for being here for me.

Friday, 7/6/12: "I'm proud of you"

My brother and I always have good conversations about life, spirituality, goals, and much more. We've grown closer something I've wished for years. As we did our usual catch up, I discussed how I'm approaching certain things. He gave his input as always and said, "I'm proud of you Dara." When I asked why, he said he's happy I'm "finally" stepping out of my comfort zone. As I told him, I figured since there are many ways in going about pursuing what I want to do, I might as well just go with the flow. I don't want to limit myself so I decided to pursue and apply for everything (which I already started doing). One way or another I will find my way, but in the meantime I need to enjoy myself. I'm making it a priority to go out and do things that make me happy. The best part of this is I'm not going by it alone. I'm open to hanging out with people and having new adventures. It's new territory for me, but by being open to new friendships I'll be open to dating as well.

"Dara does belly dancing?"

Yes you read it right, I did belly dancing yesterday. I still can't believe it! There was a free belly dancing class at Brooklyn Bridge Park yesterday evening. It was free and open to the public. Secretly, I always wanted to learn how to belly dance but was too shy to try it. As I giggled by the idea of me belly dancing, I didn't hesitate to jump into the crowd. Next minute I know my hips were circulating and swaying back and fourth. I felt silly at first, but after a while I felt sexy. Ironically, my hip didn't hurt; I did have surgery six months ago! The instructor was nice and made me feel comfortable. My friend videotaped me shimmering around. Watching it I laughed, because this is one of the boldest things I've ever done. I didn't realize I have good rhythm! Now I usually would post video on this blog, on Facebook or my YouTube channel, but I'm shy about people watching me wiggle my hips around. Maybe I'll share with close friends. I think the pictures do the trick. The best part of this experience was watching the sunset, feeling the cool breeze as I followed the hip wiggling routine. The music was great too! I felt proud of myself for jumping into something without thinking about it. Maybe that's what God is trying to show me. When you want to do something, just jump in and do it. Some things don't require much planning. Sometimes you have to go into things blindly to see your abilities. In doing so, you step out of your comfort zone. I'm happy to be doing that.

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