Request

Last Friday, I made a request to my friends on Facebook. I asked for prayer. This is something I don't ask for unless it's for a loved one or for something in general. I usually don't ask for prayer for myself. I finally did on Friday night. Why did I make such a request? For the first time, in a long time, I feel like I'm standing in the middle of an "X." There are four different directions to go but unsure which path I should take. As I mentioned in my blog post, "A hmm moment" each direction is a good one. I think what's making me feel unsure is how I can pursue these things with limited resources. I am my worst critic and can be very hard on myself. This doesn't help when that inner voice keeps saying, "You could be doing better," or "Can I really do this? Can I really become a...?" Self-doubt is never good, but somehow it creeps up during the deciding process.

I have a burning desire to not only pursue the things I want, but to make a difference in the world. That means more to me than anything. So far I'm confident in the things I've been doing. I am proud to be able to stand before anyone associated in the news business and say "I'm a writer. I cover news stories. I write for Examiner.com." Or when I discuss my interest in social work to professional social workers and say, "I'm a member of the National Association of Social Workers and plan to pursue a MSW by 2013." I'm not a professional in these fields (yet), but feel confident I will be in the near future. This attitude is new for me. The only time I'm this confident is when I'm discussing ESL teaching or challenged by other ESL teachers. I never back down from a challenge, and can debate with the best of them. I'm no expert but with 7 years in the ESL teaching profession I know a thing or two.

I asked for prayer, because I want to feel spiritually confident in what I'm pursuing. I don't want disappointment to stop me from reaching my goals. I've been job searching a lot and it's a long and difficult process. Patience is definitely tested, and it can be frustrating waiting by the phone or email inbox hoping for a response. I always remind myself that I am not the only one applying to these jobs, so I understand it's going to take a while. My hope is it won't take too long. I've been applying for positions in teaching (of course), entry-level case work (to gain some experience in social work), writing (freelance mostly and news based positions), and administrative/clerical positions. I'm open to different employment opportunities, but focus on what I know I can do. I don't want to waste any one's time.

I've been told that one must take a leap of faith and to follow the heart. This may be one of those times. Wish me luck.