Prepare for him

Dating. That's a word I've been pondering on lately. Sounds so simple, the process seems simple yet I find it difficult. I've opened up about being single on this blog, and some of my poetry reflects on my desire to being loved. This is no secret. However, I find it hard to express my reasons for not allowing myself to date. I want to date. I want to meet a nice guy to share my thoughts with, be my companion. More importantly, I want to fall in love. When I was in my 20s, dating seemed easy. I dated guys I met online until I got into two serious relationships. I was carefree then, threw caution to the wind, and was satisfied with any man showing some interest in me even if it was done in deceit. At that time, being noticed by the opposite sex was great despite the warning signals. When I became a girlfriend, I took that title seriously. I was loyal, loved wholeheartedly, and was dedicated to the relationship. I felt proud. Once I got hurt (physically, emotionally, and sexually), my carefree, proud, loving self became numb. I lost faith in men, lost faith in being in a relationship, and I stopped dating all together. Going on year two of being completely single, my desire to be loved has returned, just differently. I am no longer concerned about being noticed. I'm still loving just not as carefree, and have trust issues. Yet, I want to give love a chance. The problem? Me.

Fear has dominated my heart and I am afraid to go out there and try meeting someone. I believe there are good men out there. I know there's someone for everyone. I'd like to think there's someone for me. Love is universal, and I have love for people I care about, including men in my life. I still have love for one of my exes. We're still friends, have been for years. There's one man I love very much. I don't think he knows just how much I love him. Sadly, he doesn't love me back. We're friends that will probably never date. Which leads me to now, a 31 year old single woman who is allowing fear to stop her from meeting the man of her "dreams" (I use the word dreams loosely). Usually I have an inspirational hook to my blog posts, whether the topic is personal or not. I don't have any to offer. In fact, I could use some inspiration on this topic. I'm open to suggestions. What I am NOT open to are the "Girl you need to lose weight, show off skin, flirt with every man you see, hookup, blah blah blah" kind of comments. I will save those people the trouble by saying I am comfortable with my weight, I don't have to expose all my goodies to define my womanhood, I don't want to flirt with every man, and I don't do hookups. I am a lady. A friend recently suggested that I should "prepare for him," meaning spiritually prepare for the man who's right for me. I continue to do that through prayer. I also pray that fear will leave my heart so I can be ready for him.

Who knows...maybe the man of my "dreams" reads this blog. If so, I welcome him to leave a comment (smile).