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Friday, December 30, 2011

The Eve of New Year's Eve

I was going to write a poem, maybe a short story, but decided to just write. So here I go. I am feeling excited for New Year 2012. There's a lot I'm looking forward to, as well as, what surprises that lies ahead. I've learned so much this year, I've grown so much. I feel more confident in things I used to shy away from, and no longer worry about how people perceive me. I'm just me. One thing I've learned most in 2011 is the importance of keeping it real.  "Keeping it real" is something I hear often in my neighborhood or on TV, but what does this actually mean? For me, keeping it real means to be honest with self in order to be honest with others. I've always been an honest person when it came to other people, but not with myself.

I focused most of my time wondering what people thought of me, and whether I was pleasing to them. Sadly, this gets one no where. What's worse is when you allow yourself to say, do, or feel things to please others, but it's not pleasing to you. This is not what we call, "keeping it real." Although I am not one to be rude in speaking my mind, or inconsiderate of people's feelings (I'm always considerate), but learned to be honest with myself first. I've learned to say no, and don't feel uncomfortable being expressive about something I don't like. In friendships, I'm more honest about situations that may hinder me from being happy. Some friendships I had to let go, some may end in 2012, and some I believe will develop. Whatever will be will be, and any mistakes or bad circumstances that have occurred was a lesson learned. I've learned plenty.

This year was the first time I began loving my physical self. It's something I've struggled with for years. I have been insecure when it came to my facial features. Some who know me may assume I have a problem with my weight. Actually I don't. However, I always thought my face was unique, but not in a good way. I was never one to take pictures of myself, by myself. I didn't like looking at myself without glasses on. I've been wearing glasses all my life so I'm used to it. After being laid off, I was hurt and angry by how it went down. And although I understand why it happened, it has impacted me in a way I never felt before. Cutting my hair was the start to letting go of these ill feelings, and a new beginning for me. Since then, I don't feel uncomfortable admiring my features. However, I'm not conceited. I do believe beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, every one's beauty is unique. Mines is no different. Of course someday I would like to meet someone who admires my features, not just facial but all of me.

I have many goals for 2012. I don't say "resolutions" because I may not follow through with them. In having goals, I know I will pursue and accomplish them. For the first time, I feel confident knowing that the things I want are obtainable. I can see it and will work hard to make my dreams come true. Most importantly, my goal is to make a difference in this world, and continue helping people. In helping others, I help myself. I enjoy inspiring people and being inspired. Inspiration can be found anywhere, but it's up to us to find it and embrace it. I believe New Year 2012 will be a good year. I'm ready.

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